August 24th- Cancerversary

Today even though I surrounded myself with my love ones and woke up with two of my kids here with their babies, I still woke and had this panicky feeling. Something was off and just not right. I had no clue what it was until I looked at my phone to check my flight schedule. Today was Doom Day, Today was the anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. Lloyd prefers me not to even bring up that day or that anniversary, but it sneaks up on me and takes my breathe, without even knowing. I have spent the past couple of months focusing on work and the girls and their pregnancies, but today the C word came back to haunt me and grab my breathe and sit on my chest. I can't escape the date, I can't not think about it and yes, I think about the fact that I am cancer-free, but it also panics me to remember August 24, 2012.
That day I found out that within a minute, life changes. Life can turn black in an instant. So, it can't be ignored, so let's toast the day my life changed. Cancer, you suck, I beat your ass and I became a new person because of you- now get the hell out of my thoughts I have living to do, here's to all the August 25th's!! Tomorrow is another day and I have too much to be thankful for-

 My mom and my grand baby, Kinsley

Thanksgiving and Black Friday Baldness

I had to wait before writing this post- I wanted to get through Brittany's birthday and give it the importance that it deserved. So forgive me that this "Thanksgiving blog" is a little behind.....

Last Thanksgiving (2012) I had my chemo treatment and I knew that it was going to be a bad day. I also knew that I would be losing my hair after this treatment. The fear of losing my hair (as crazy as it sounds to someone that has never been there) was scarier to me, than losing my breast! For those of you getting ready to take this step, I hope this blog post helps you.

I knew that after my mastectomy that I could put on a t-shirt and go out and no one would know I was sick. No one would be feeling sorry for me. I could look in the mirror and not SEE sickness! How ugly would I look? Those fears were running through my head as the day got closer that my hair would be falling out. I decided that Black Friday would be the day I was going to shave my head. I didn't want it to just happen, I wanted to be in control and do it myself! I picked a good day, because that morning when I washed my hair for the last time, it was starting to fall out in clumps. I had arranged for my kids, best friends and my husband to be there for the shave.

 (black friday 2012)

 

So there it went- the hair was gone last Black Friday 2012!

So everyone want to know what I am thankful for this year? I am so thankful to have fought this awful battle and come out on this side! I am thankful for the wisdom and the blessings I have received through the ordeal. I am thankful for those that stood by me and helped with the fight. I am thankful for the new friends I have made along the way. I am thankful to God and the answered prayers. I am thankful for my new mission in life, to touch others with cancer.

Just the other day I received a message on facebook, from someone I didn't know.

Hi Traci! Just read your story on BCA, then went to your blog. I have just finished the exact same thing, having TNBC too! I start radiation next week. Just wanted to tell you how much I admire you for sharing everything. You are truly helping so many women!!! Happy Thanksgiving to you! We have much to be thankful for!!!

 

That kind of message makes me feel like there is a reason why this disease touched my family's life.

You will lose your hair, but don't lose your humor, your hope or your courage. I wore more makeup and decided not to wear a wig.

(2 months after chemo)

After being so scared that people would be able to tell that I was sick, I embraced it instead, and made sure people knew that they needed to check their breast!! Your hair will come back- it may not seem like it before you shave, but it does. I finished chemo in February and in September I had my first haircut! My husband liked my hair when we shaved it and wants me to keep it like the picture above, instead of growing it back out. I will keep it short, but not that short. NOW you know why I am married to that man! If you are going to lose your hair, being married to someone that thinks you're hot that way, sure makes it easier!! So yes, I am so thankful to him!

 

Looking back at last year, I realize that fear was for nothing. I got through it and came out of the darkside stronger than ever! I hope if you are getting ready to go through this journey, my blogs help you and some of your fear is deminished....a little.

 NOW, bring on Christmas- it is going to be a joyous one this year!!

 



How to prepare for the cancer road

I was a girl scout so I know a little about being prepared- ha ha, plus I did my research as soon as I got my diagnosis. This is for anyone out there that may be dealing with a new diagnosis of breast cancer and may want to know how to be prepared.

1. Do your homework- Talk to friends who have been through it, see whatthey did and what they would have done different. Go to the internet and be educated www.whatnext.com is a great resource for asking questions of others that are going through the same thing.

2. Be ready for Dr's visits- have a tape recorder, because you will not remember what was said. Take a friend or family member (sometimes a friend is better because they aren't typically as emotional as a family member). Stand up for what you want- I WANTED a bilateral mastectomy, even though my dr told me she recommended a lumpectomy. I knew I would be paranoid about it coming back if I wasn't as agressive as I could be (ok, I am still paranoid, but I don't think I am as bad as I would be with just having the lumpectomy)

3. Be ready for after your surgery- I had a dbl mastectomy so to prepare:
a.I bought a recliner to sleep in, if I needed to. It was also a lifesaver during chemo!
b.I had pjs that buttoned up and had my mom sew pockets in them to hold the drains
c. I had a long bead necklace to safety pin the drains to while I showered
d. I had two round oblong pillows to put on either side of me when I slept, so I wouldn't roll over on my side.
e. I had everything placed within reach before my husband went to work. Like my coffee cup, bowls and a plate. I wasn't able to reach in the cabinet.

4. Share your story- this helps not because you are getting sympathy, but you will have prayer warriors and they will all be a means of support. You will feel like you have to be a shining example and be strong for your supporters. Being strong is half the battle!

5. Surround yourself with friends- continue to go out, be around people and keep a sense of humor. Laughing through this whole journey is the best medicine.

6. Make an adventure out of chemo- ok, so not everyone will be like me and my "chemo army" - we had army hats with a pink ribbon on it, we took food to the patients and nurses, we made posters for the wall (a Luke Bryan one, and it is my understanding it is still hanging in the infusion room), we met everyone in there just about and offered encouragement, We took our Gnome and photographed each treatment to keep track. We LOVED our nurses, we rocked out to a "mixed tape" of our chemo songs on the way, Pack a blanket, water bottle, candy if the taste bothers you, a special prayer to read, and a really fun friend to pass the time with you!

7. Prepare yourself for the after effects of chemo-
a. your hair- more than likely you will lose your hair, come to grips with it- embrace your inner warrior and don't be ashamed of losing your hair. I never wore a wig. The medically induced menopause made me hot, even wearing a hat I would have to shed it at the dinner table. I didn't think it would be appropriate to take off a wig and put it on the table! Plan a shaving party and take control of when, where, and how you will lose your hair.
b. chemo brain- you will have this- write things down, take your time speaking and explain to strangers why you can't think of the words you are trying to say.
c. Food- try to eat well. You will need protein and lots of nutrients. The ACS and your hospital will have support groups and classes you can take.
d. Looking Good- go to classes on how to keep your self esteem Look Good Feel Better http://lookgoodfeelbetter.org is a class through the ACS, it is a great one that teaches how to apply your makeup and take care of your skin. Chemoflage www.chemoflage.com is another class offered and it is really good too, you also will receive awesome swag bags when you go to the classes. Eye makeup is VERY important when you are bald!!

8. Your baskets of necessities-
a. claritin- no one tells you, but this helps with the bone pain associated with Taxol and the Nulesta
shot
b. nausea meds- take them after chemo, BEFORE you get sick
c. pain meds- take them BEFORE you start to hurt
d. hand sanitizer
e. journal- keep track of symptoms to share with the dr at the next visit, or for your info on what helps when you get sick
f. themometer-
g. hemoroid wipes- all the above medicine will cause hemoriods
h. stool softner- for the above reason

9. Remember-
a. you will feel good again- after my last treatment, I actually feel better than i did before my diagnosis
b. your hair will come back- granted it may not be like it was before, but it's back
c. you are awesome for fighting this fight!


I hope these ideas help you, if you are having to go down this road.  I would love to see other survivors share their ideas, too! Please comment below- and God bless you on this journey!!

Triple Negative Breast Cancer Awareness Day

When I found out I had Breast Cancer, I thought there was only one kind- Breast Cancer. I had no clue about HER 2 positives, or negatives, Ductal, In-sutu etc. Once we got into our "cancer college" phase, I quickly learned all the differences and learned about Triple Negative- that is the type I have. Today is Triple Negative Breast Cancer Awareness Day, so I will educate you, as well. Here is a description from the Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation.

Understanding Triple Negative Breast Cancer

Triple negative breast cancer (TNBC) is one of many forms of breast cancer.

•Forms of breast cancer are generally diagnosed based on the presence or absence of three "receptors" known to fuel most breast cancer tumors: estrogen, progesterone and HER2-neu.

•A diagnosis of TNBC means that the tumor in question is estrogen-receptor negative, progesterone-receptor negative and Her2-negative. In other words, triple negative breast cancer tumors do not exhibit any of the three known receptors.

•Receptor- targeting therapies have fueled tremendous recent advances in the fight against breast cancer. Unfortunately, there is no such targeted therapy for triple negative breast cancer.

•TNBC tends to be more aggressive, more likely to recur, and more difficult to treat because there is no targeted treatment.

•TNBC disproportionately strikes younger women, women of African, Latina or Caribbean descent, and those with BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutations.

•Approximately every half hour, another woman in the US is diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer.  I have sucessfully finished 8 treatments of chemo, and because I have Triple Negative- that is all I have to do. Taking Estrogen or any other medications does not work for the Triple Negative patient, so we are hoping that chemo stomped out all the cancer boogers and the mastectomy got the tumor. I believe awareness and donations for research are the hope for a cure. I appreciate, and will fight for all the organizations out there supporting cures for this horrible disease! If Loreal for one month gives only 2% donations to Breast Cancer Awareness, then this chick will buy that lipstick. I get so sick of the Negative Nellies that have issues with October and the Pink Ribbon- if one damn Pink Ribbon reminds a woman to go get a mammogram, that ribbon did it's job! If one company gives one dime to research, then I praise that company! AFTER you have breast cancer, you come to me and tell me what that pink ribbon means to you. You will find that all these organinzations do mean ALOT- especially, the American Cancer Society, Susan G. Komen, Triple Negative, etc. As well as the small local organizations that do so much for the cancer patient- Loving Arms Cancer Outreach, Chemoflage, Blue Skies Family Retreats, and etc.

So here I am the Breast Cancer Survivor, beating my drum, supporting and writing about today..... 3/3/13- Triple Negative Breast Cancer Awareness Day! Research and Awareness is the key to the cure..... My Spotlight Story

Giving Survival a Voice and Cancer the finger!

This week I went to lunch with some really good friends and we had a discussion about me "sharing" my story with the world. Some people in the past have said that I have shared a little too much, these friends however; don't agree. One is a cancer survivor, and my post have given her the chance to know what was going on with me and on several occasions she was able to quickly answer a question I might have and help me out. One of the ladies was a caregiver for a cancer "victim" and she has a perspective from another side, plus she said she is going to the GYN this week, because of my reminders. The other ladies, have given me strength to stay focused on this journey and their words and friendships have kept me typing. While we were at lunch, the man sitting behind us noticed how important these friends are to me and how they give me strength. He sent us this note and paid our tab.I would not be surrounded by so many friends, if it hadn't been for me sharing! The other thing that happened because I shared, was EVERYDAY I had at least one person tell me they were praying for me- because I shared, I had more prayer warriors!


 Plus, now I am writing because it has got back to my brother, that I am a BETTER writer than he is! Those that know my brother will think this is really funny.
ANYWAY, getting back to the story. There were two reasons for this blog today- First, my friends and family give me strength and if I can help just ONE woman and let her know that she can survive the fight against cancer, and the way to do that is don't be afraid to share her story. Sharing my story gave me friends I NEVER knew I had. Those friends got me through this battle. Don't go it alone! Also, if I can help just ONE woman, by reminding them to do self breast exams and get mammograms. Then, if you are unfortunate and get diagnosed, you will maybe catch the cancer early and have a better chance in the fight against this horrible disease.
So if I help just ONE woman, my voice was heard and my "purpose" has been reconized!

The other reason for this blog, is a man in Roseville, MN saw some of my past blogs and he wanted me to share his voice. His voice is was as caregiver for his wife, who won the fight against cancer. He wants to share what he went through and what he learned through their journey. His name is Cameron, his email and pictures of his beautiful family are below. I am flattered that my blog is a venue for his voice!

When My Wife Got Cancer

In November 2005, my life was irreversibly altered. I found out that Heather, my wife, had mesothelioma. It was also when I became a caregiver to her, which I was ill prepared to handle. Only three months before, she'd given birth to our only child, our daughter Lily. All we wanted was to celebrate the holiday season as a happy, healthy family, but it wouldn't be that simple. Instead, we began a long, difficult journey to beat cancer.

The full implications of the situation hit me before we were even out of the doctor's office. He strongly recommended that Heather visit a mesothelioma specialist to improve her odds of survival. My wife looked like she was stuck in a nightmare she couldn't wake up from. We decided to visit a specialist in Boston by the name of Dr. Sugarbaker, a leading expert in this form of cancer.

Our lives were completely miserable and chaotic for the next two months. Prior to her diagnosis, Heather and I worked full-time, but Heather left work to fight her cancer. To take care of her, I started working part-time. While not at work, I made travel plans, saw to my daughter's care and accompanied Heather to the doctor. I was terrified that, regardless of the effort we were putting in, Heather would still die and I'd be a broke widower raising a baby on my own. Many times, I would break down on the kitchen floor when nobody was around to see. Luckily, these feelings of misery and helplessness were few and far between.

We were blessed with a loving family ready to help out, and even strangers were offering their support. We're eternally grateful to these people and we couldn't have gotten through this trying time without them. One recommendation I have for others in a similar situation is to take whatever help is offered to you. It will make things much easier to deal with.  There is no room for pride in a battle with cancer.

Things returned to normal over the next few years after my wife won her battle with mesothelioma. If I learned anything from the experience, it's that my tenacity can be used to my benefit and how important it is to not take our time here for granted. This was part of what drove me to go back to college.  My time as a caregiver gave me the strength and courage to pursue this dream, and I began working towards my degree in IT two years after Heather’s mesothelioma diagnosis.

I graduated with honors and served as the speaker of my class. In one part of my speech, I stated that if I'd been asked where I saw myself within five years, it wouldn't have been on that stage. I spoke of the importance of maintaining hope and that you can achieve anything with some faith in yourself.  My wife’s strength and courage has been an inspiration to me, and now we hope that by sharing our story, we can help inspire others in their own battles with cancer today.

 Cameron Von St. James

 

 

Cancer does give you strength and tenacity! So take that f'n cancer- we won!!!

Rocky Theme Song

Many of my friends know that I always have a song in my head- and sometimes it pops out. Well today, as I enter the final lap and await the last chemo on Thursday- the Rocky Theme song is playing. I picture myself running up the steps and on Thursday I will be pumping my arms and finishing this battle to the top!
Chemo has been hard, but I wouldn't say it was unbearable. I guess my shoulder injury trained me for the chemo. I was used to being in pain, sitting. and not being able to do anything. I never did get the nausea that some people get with chemo.Thank God!! I had it on my very first treatment of Andrimycin and that was it- of course after that, I stayed on top of the medicine and would even set my alarm to wake me in the middle of the night so I wouldn't miss taking a pill. I think that helped! The nausea pills did make me constipated and I had an issue with that, but luckily I had a friend in Dawn! She was having the same problem and she went to the specialty doctor (in that area) and told me what he said to her, so I didn't go! Thanks Dawn, for taking a probe for me!!! I know, too much information, however; I am writing this blog for women who are going through this same thing, so they may want to know the good AND the bad that came with treatment!
The Taxol is what I am taking now and after I have my treatment on Thursday I will feel fine till about 5 or 6pm on Friday- that is when I get a fever, last treatment it got up to 101- the new cut off point for me to call the after hours physician. The pain will also start about then and  won't let up until Monday or Tuesday. I have learned that the heavy duty pain pills I have, don't help the pain, they just make me feel like I don't care that I am in pain!  So now, I just take tylenol and claritan. Don't ask me why Clariten works with the bone pain, Dawn told me about it when I took the Nulesta shot and had bone pain from that medicine. The new side effect I am having with the Taxol is itching and burning hands and feet- THIS drives me nuts. I take benedryl for this and it seems to help.
But all of this will soon be over- I can handle anything as long as I know it will be better AND when!! That is the key- I haven't been able to plan anything and I am so ready to begin my life over again. I have made "an appointment" for a week long trip to my favorite beach (Cape San Blas). I also have surgery for the reconstruction coming up. My shoulder dr said to wait about 6 weeks after the boob surgery to do anything, so that is still pending. My bucket list is getting longer and I am ready to get to work on that and the party!
Listen out for all the cheers and the Rocky Music on Thursday- it's not just Valentines Day- it is the END OF CHEMO DAY!!




My BCF- Best Cancer Friend, Dawn (Super D)

Scared

Well, Friday can't get here soon enough! I spent this past weekend in complete and utter fear.

 I felt a lump on my breast about 3 weeks ago. I had just made an appointment for my mammogram screening, so I didn't really say anything to anyone, including the dr. I went in for the screening on August 13th. The tech that was doing it was very concerned that I had not called my dr, but she did the screening anyway. When I left, I called Dr. Pitcher and she wanted to see me in within the next two days. I went and she was very concerned after feeling the lump. She referred me to a specialist at the Breast Center. They could not see me until yesterday (Monday). So, hince the title of this blog....I spent all weekend and this past week in fear. I have been scared before, like when Kristi had her seizure or when I saw Brittany wreck the 4wheeler, but never a fear that last this long. NOW I have to wait till Friday! I went to Dr. Robbins yesterday (Monday) and found out this lump is a solid mass, whatever that means. She did a biopsy that same day, and now we wait to see if it is cancer.

That time came today,  Friday August 24th,  at 11:30am.

Me waiting for Dr Robbins, with a fake smile!

I have absolutely the best support system and an army behind me to get through this, so we will! Kim stayed by my side all day yesterday and went to the appointment with me. She is truly a blessing in my life, as is Cissy. They both stayed over here last night drinking wine till 10:30! The hole in my boob is a little sore, but it is the shoulder that really hurts. It did not like the position it was in on the table. I was supposed  to have shoulder surgery on August 29th, but that was promptly cancelled.

I am going to stay upbeat and positive and surround myself with people I love! This to shall pass!
Ok, so by now everyone knows that this is cancer. You might also know, if you know me....this ain't gonna get me down. I am strong and I got it from the strongest woman I know- my mama!! We will keep you posted through this blog. Kim, Lloyd or Cindi will keep it updated if I am unable. I have gone through bad times before and I know the people I have behind me. Please everyone be there for my girls- Kristi, Brittany, Cindi and Kim ( even though she stays strong on the outside) needs your support.

God bless you all and thank you for being here for us!! We will keep you posted. Next step is the MRI, that will tell more and then we will go from there. Let's just pray I am back to my old self by October 20!! Kristi's wedding.