My Coochie Got Me Thinking

Last week I had to visit one of my not so favorite doctors- the gyno- I had another lump and with my medical expertise (umm google) I knew I had a cyst, so I raced to the appointment in a state of worry. If I didn't have ADD, and had finished reading my googled article, I would have known this cyst was benign, non-cancerous and not pre-cancerous. I know this is gross and none of you want to hear about my coochie, but it got me thinking about other types of cancer. First off, I don't EVER want to deal with ANY other type of cancer. And breast cancer was horrible and don't want it again and would never wish it on anyone, but it seems breast cancer has been in a way glamorized. The pretty pink ribbons and pink merchandise.Someone with breast cancer really tugs at the heartstrings of society. I first realized that I had the "fortunate type of cancer" at a support group. A lady there had lung cancer. She said it is really tough to have lung cancer, there are no pretty pink bows and people always look at her with disgust that she gave herself cancer, because of her smoking habits. She says you just don't get the sympathy and support you do with breast cancer.
Then there was the lady I met in chemo, she was there with a friend. This friend told Kim and I that the lady with cancer did not have a good chance of surviving, but she was staying strong. When we asked what type of cancer, the friend said, she has ovarian cancer stage 4- she could have prevented it getting this far, if she had gone to have regular pap smears. She didn't because she doesn't have money or insurance. Now girls, ALWAYS get your regular check-ups. I hate the gyno too, but you have to go!! For those of you that are low on money, go to the health dept. or call the doctors and see if they can work out a payment plan, borrow the money....just Go!!
This happens to be the same type of cancer as Olivia. I don't know Olivia, she is a childhood friend of my neighbor, Beverly. This neighbor has a huge heart and has been trying to help Olivia out with her medical and financial problems, so I have jumped on the bandwagon with Olivia and Beverly. Olivia has no medical insurance, she has no job, or husband, or car or money. Our help is what is getting her through. Having cancer is SO stressful- I can't imagine adding to that stress with the financial burden. I was so blessed to have insurance and it was still hard financially. This is just too much to bear. The other thing is Olivia comes from a small town and doesn't quite have the community support, that we have here in Marietta, or the hospitals. She is from Brewton, Alabama and has to go to Pensacola for medical treatment. She doesn't have the pretty pink cancer, but she has CANCER! Please everyone, if you can help her out! Her story is posted below. I know we all aren't in a position financially, but even a small amount helps- or pass around this blog or link to her donation website Sharing her story is help too!

My name is Olivia McCormick. I have stage three cancer and am currently undergoing chemo. I have no insurance no income and am at the mercy of the good people who find a place for me in their heart. I had my uterus removed in 2006, in 2007 I had a tumor removed from my bladder. I have also had three laparoscospic procedures. I am an epileptic and my inability to gain control over my seizures slowly tore my life apart. I lost my educational opportunities my career my husband my good and car. I began having serious abdominal pain around August 2012. I was told repeatedly that I was suffering from constipation or bladder infection. I went into the ER in extreme pain one night. I was literally writhing and screaming out in pain. There was nothing being done. Finally able to get a CAT scan of my abdomen. They admitted me to the hospital right away. The next day they removed my ovaries and a ten pound tumor. It was cancer. The cancer had spread to the layer of tissue that holds ur insides in. It is called the omentum or fat pack. 
I will have to undergo chemo for eight more months then major surgery. I will be cut all the way across the bottom of my bust line and down to my hip cuts on each side to open my entire abdomen to search for any remaining cancer. I am no where near perfect and I know I never will be but I hope I can make it through this with help so that in the future I can help others who are suffering through this and many other life threatening illnesses. Please help

I KNOW there was a reason I got cancer. I feel like that reason was to go out there and spread the word and help others with cancer. I hope that me using the word COOCHIE in my title got lots more hits to my blog and y'all will pour out the support to Olivia! Here's her link to help her Donations for Olivia

P.S. Don't tell my mom I talked about my coochie on the internet- 

Get My Euphoria Back!

The Birthday Week is finally here, those that know my best friend and I, know that it is really a "Season". Kim's birthday is the first week in May and we start celebrating then, until the end of May- that is when we celebrate Memorial Day and then switch over to my birthday. We celebrate my birthday, usually till the weekend before July 4th.  That is how it has been since we have known each other.
I can't speak for Kim, but I know I think of my birthday as my New Year's Day- I don't remember things in "years", such as 1999- I remember them in "birthday years", that happened when I was 23, as an example. New Years Eve or Day, don't matter a whole lot to me, it is my birthday that switches the calendar into the next year.
Last year, I celebrated my birthday with only a few worries- paying for Kristi's wedding, losing some lb's, and wondering whether my shoulder would ever be pain free, so I could go back to work. Life was good!

47'th Birthday Lunch

 Well, in a matter of a couple of weeks, things changed- that is when I found the lump. I knew immediately it was cancer. I didn't need to wait on the Dr to tell me, that 47 would be the year of cancer........
So, moving on from 47 and waiting on this Birthday Eve to occur, why am I not my usual "happy birthday self"? I feel incredible blessed right now- I spoke about that in my last post. I really think the reason is that I know how quickly life can change and how much this birthday REALLY should matter!! I remember waiting on the results of the test in August and wondering if I would make it to this birthday! But somehow, I think it is the everyday that should matter. This birthday I am remembering where I was (carefree) last year and this year is totally different- I am totally different! I wish I could time travel back to the above picture, when my hair was brown and long, when I was on the road to another shoulder surgery, so I could get back to flying......I wish, but that is one wish that can't be granted by blowing out this year's candles!
I hope I get my euphoria over my birthday back, but it just seems so anti-climatic, since I have been feeling that same euphoria since February 14th, when I finished chemo and felt like I was given a new lease on life.
So Happy DAY to everyone!! Check your boobs, love your family and friends, and live like there is no tomorrow- don't wait for your Birthday or New Years!!!

Cheers- to you all!!

Old Friends, New Friends and Breast Friends

My birthday is coming up and it is always a time for me to reflect. This year has me reflecting on friends, and all those long ago birthdays, that I had as a kid. My elementary school friends coming over for cake and to play outside. The picture below is a picture of my best friends from Kindergarten, Elementary School and 8th Grade. These are friends I am proud of, they make me happy that my life never took me away from my hometown. These friends know me, know where I came from and we will always have each other! Even though life takes us in different directions, when we get together it's like we never missed a beat.

In addition to this group of girls, thanks to facebook, there are other "old" friends who have been there through this whole journey. Friends I knew in elementary school and high school, but never really "knew". They have been a huge support through all of this, also! They took the time out of their busy schedules to let me know they were thinking about me, to let me know if I needed anything, I could call them. That touched me beyond words. Thanks, Kelly Kennedy, Salliegh Grubbs, Mary Ansley Meaders, Mike Gambo, Charles Wilhelm and his wonderful wife Colleen, Paige Raines, oh and many more......(chemo brain affects quick thinking) Y'all were good cheerleaders and it helped so much when I felt like the goalpost was a million miles away!

Then there were the new friends, people that I have met recently, but who through this whole ordeal, became part of my Army! Tim and Vickie Hunt, Pat Becker (who sends me little random gifts, that brighten my day), Jere Brownlow (one of Lloyds friends, who was unbelievably thoughtful with his gift), Jeff and Toni, Diane Shelton, Nancy Michelson, Flay and Al, Kim Newell, The Germaines, Suzanne Payne, Marjorie Wilson, Patsy Bennett, Rachel, Nessa, My Airtran Family, Lisa Thompson, Team Traci. I know I am also going to forget some of these friends, too! Thanks for all you did!

Just know whatever category you fall in, even if you aren't mentioned here, you are in my heart. Knowing that somehow I made an impression on a friend's life, enough that you were here for me in my time of darkness, meant the world to me! I asked my friend Ann Weider right before she died, if there was anything I could do for her. She told me,"no, you've already done it, you were there for me." Just being there for someone is tremendous, and I can't thank all of you enough.

Then I have my "Breast Friends", you gals were HUGE!! Just looking at your lives and your accomplishments would be enough, but you gave me so much more! Jan and Joan- all you have been through and being able to ask you questions, see the glow you two have, teaching me that laughter is the best medicine, and surrounding yourself with people who are positive, you two are truely inspirations for me! Irene, the survivor- I look at you and see it is beatable, plus you were always quick to answer my questions, thanks! Susan Chewning and the letter she mailed to me, that gave me such comfort. Marsha Durham- you rock girl! Raising the awarness and the money you do for breast cancer research, answering my questions, another inspiration! Dawn Ford, as much as I hate cancer for taking one moment of your life and your joy with your new babies, I am so glad I had you to travel down this journey with. You are truely SuperWoman!

My "surprise warrior" Mary, my next door neighbor. She and my husband didn't hit it off when he moved in the neighborhood and it was never a secret. But when she found out I was diagnosed, she came through as one of my biggest supporters. I was overwhelmed by Mary's concern. She brought me a card or gift, after EVERY chemo. She came by and checked on me often! She was unbelievable! Her advocacity for BC is remarkable and she had a no nosense approach to "it will be better". I loved that from her.

At one of my chemo support groups, I think it was Cookie that said, "don't be surprised at the friends who will leave you or not show up, in this time of need. You need to be prepared for that." I told her about all of you and that I was only disappointed in a couple of people. The people that came out in support FAR outweighed the negative. Just FYI, if you ever are given the opportunity to reach out to someone with cancer, even if you are mad at them or have had problems with them in the past- reach out anyway! Your problems should be put away during cancer and no problem is ever too big not to be overcome during cancer. Cancer patients realize that, and no matter what issues we have had......they don't matter to us anymore. We just want all our "problems" fixed and our house in order, because we know how short and precious life is! I just read a book, "One More Mountain", it was about a lady diagnosed with cancer and she tried to "fix" things she regretted about her past. It was a great book! Anyway, fix things while you can. Cancer may invade your body, but when it does, it eliminates anger, grudges, or any other negativity present in your life.  There will be people who disappoint you when you don't hear from them or you feel like they don't care, but realize, that is their problem!

Last but not least, I have my BEST FRIEND- my husband beside me! Without him here, I could not have made it through the past year! I love you honey!

You all made my life worth fighting for, so I it wouldn't be fair not to also mention my family in this post- cause they too are my "friends" as well as the reason for me to fight so damn hard and be so strong! My girls (and B-rad), Cindi, The boys (and KK), my Mom, Jim and Janet and that precious, precious grandbaby! Smooches forever to you all!!!

My life has been fulfilled to no end because of the wonderful friends and family in it! You are all a blessing and I thank God he put so many wonderful people in my life! Having Facebook and sharing my story through this blog kept me in touch and uplifted by you, even at my lowest points.

I don't need any birthday gifts this year, cause I have the greatest gift of all....love and friendship!

**Disclaimer, I know this blog is usually written for people who don't really know me and wouldn't know these people listed above, but I had to write this personal note. The thing you can take away from it, if you are diagnosed with cancer......Surrounding yourself with friends is the MOST important thing during this journey. Do that by sharing your story, and let them know what you are going through. They can't help, if they don't know! Knowing you have a gazillion prayer warriors out there helps to get through the day. Don't try to kick cancer's ass alone!

Reconstruction...check, Living healthy......check

Friday at 11am I checked in to my old familiar room at Wellstar Outpatient and got prepped for my reconstruction surgery. This time I decided that I wouldn't make such a production out of the event and even told Lloyd and Cindi to go on into work, that nurse Brittany would be in town to take me up there for the check in. I am sure all the nurses appreciated that I didn't have my usual entourage with me! I told Dr Leake I wanted itty bitty titties, so he came with a box of them to try out and see what looked best. He had to do a lot of repair to the muscle around my left underarm because that was where the cancer was, so it took a little longer than he thought it might. By the time he came out to talk to the family and tell them all what he had to do, Kristi and Lloyd were there. Cindi had come in before I was put to sleep, on her lunch hour.

This was an outpatient surgery so I got home about 6pm. I was quickly put to bed, because the move from O.R to home made me nauseated. I took the meds and went to sleep. This recovery hasn't been too bad. I am tired, VERY. Just a little uncomfortable, only took the Oxycodone Saturday and Sunday. I do have two drains, and hopefully they will come out this coming Friday. They better! I want to go to Tennessee and prop my feet up....ha ha getting pretty good at this propping stuff! Although, this surgery moves me closer back to reality of no cancer and fix the shoulder and GET YOUR ASS BACK TO Work!!!
I have said this before but I haven't touched on this aspect of change. Cancer changes you. Cancer makes you scared that it will come back and raise it's ugly head at anytime. It is now my job to do ALL in my power to assure that doesn't happen. Most of you know that I LOVE food, it is truely a passion of mine (my husbands too- hince the weight gain since our marriage!) Anyway, we make a production out of cooking. All of the cancer books I have read has warned about processed food, sugars, white flour, alcohol, and not excercising. WELL, we have eliminated all of that from our diet. (hmmmm maybe not so much the wine) It hasn't been as hard as I thought it would be, especially since one of our other passions is gardening, so we grow a lot of what we are eating. Our spring salad garden has been unbelievable this year. How many ways can you eat Radishes.... let us count the ways! I have an awesome Spicy Kale and Shrimp recipe, too!
Exercising has been another issue! I was trying to walk about 3 miles with my friend Lisa, about 3 times a week. Of course she goes out of town about as much as I do, so timing was hard. Then my knee decided it would swell because of my RA, but after this surgery and the recovery, you will see us hitting the pavement again! Plus, maybe my sister can get her pool open and I can start water aerobics! Hint Hint!!!
Anyway, if the cancer does come back, I at least can rest assured that I have choosen the most radical approach to getting rid of it (a double mastectomy and 8 rounds of chemo) and I have done what I have  needed to do to keep it at bay! Even down to changing the deordorant I use......
I have learned, this is my body and I will fight and do what I can to keep it as healthy as I can. I want to be here for my kids and grandkids!! Cancer does not need to happen to you to think this way, go check your boobs and ask yourself, are you treating your body like you need to, in order to be healthy?

How to prepare for the cancer road

I was a girl scout so I know a little about being prepared- ha ha, plus I did my research as soon as I got my diagnosis. This is for anyone out there that may be dealing with a new diagnosis of breast cancer and may want to know how to be prepared.

1. Do your homework- Talk to friends who have been through it, see whatthey did and what they would have done different. Go to the internet and be educated www.whatnext.com is a great resource for asking questions of others that are going through the same thing.

2. Be ready for Dr's visits- have a tape recorder, because you will not remember what was said. Take a friend or family member (sometimes a friend is better because they aren't typically as emotional as a family member). Stand up for what you want- I WANTED a bilateral mastectomy, even though my dr told me she recommended a lumpectomy. I knew I would be paranoid about it coming back if I wasn't as agressive as I could be (ok, I am still paranoid, but I don't think I am as bad as I would be with just having the lumpectomy)

3. Be ready for after your surgery- I had a dbl mastectomy so to prepare:
a.I bought a recliner to sleep in, if I needed to. It was also a lifesaver during chemo!
b.I had pjs that buttoned up and had my mom sew pockets in them to hold the drains
c. I had a long bead necklace to safety pin the drains to while I showered
d. I had two round oblong pillows to put on either side of me when I slept, so I wouldn't roll over on my side.
e. I had everything placed within reach before my husband went to work. Like my coffee cup, bowls and a plate. I wasn't able to reach in the cabinet.

4. Share your story- this helps not because you are getting sympathy, but you will have prayer warriors and they will all be a means of support. You will feel like you have to be a shining example and be strong for your supporters. Being strong is half the battle!

5. Surround yourself with friends- continue to go out, be around people and keep a sense of humor. Laughing through this whole journey is the best medicine.

6. Make an adventure out of chemo- ok, so not everyone will be like me and my "chemo army" - we had army hats with a pink ribbon on it, we took food to the patients and nurses, we made posters for the wall (a Luke Bryan one, and it is my understanding it is still hanging in the infusion room), we met everyone in there just about and offered encouragement, We took our Gnome and photographed each treatment to keep track. We LOVED our nurses, we rocked out to a "mixed tape" of our chemo songs on the way, Pack a blanket, water bottle, candy if the taste bothers you, a special prayer to read, and a really fun friend to pass the time with you!

7. Prepare yourself for the after effects of chemo-
a. your hair- more than likely you will lose your hair, come to grips with it- embrace your inner warrior and don't be ashamed of losing your hair. I never wore a wig. The medically induced menopause made me hot, even wearing a hat I would have to shed it at the dinner table. I didn't think it would be appropriate to take off a wig and put it on the table! Plan a shaving party and take control of when, where, and how you will lose your hair.
b. chemo brain- you will have this- write things down, take your time speaking and explain to strangers why you can't think of the words you are trying to say.
c. Food- try to eat well. You will need protein and lots of nutrients. The ACS and your hospital will have support groups and classes you can take.
d. Looking Good- go to classes on how to keep your self esteem Look Good Feel Better http://lookgoodfeelbetter.org is a class through the ACS, it is a great one that teaches how to apply your makeup and take care of your skin. Chemoflage www.chemoflage.com is another class offered and it is really good too, you also will receive awesome swag bags when you go to the classes. Eye makeup is VERY important when you are bald!!

8. Your baskets of necessities-
a. claritin- no one tells you, but this helps with the bone pain associated with Taxol and the Nulesta
shot
b. nausea meds- take them after chemo, BEFORE you get sick
c. pain meds- take them BEFORE you start to hurt
d. hand sanitizer
e. journal- keep track of symptoms to share with the dr at the next visit, or for your info on what helps when you get sick
f. themometer-
g. hemoroid wipes- all the above medicine will cause hemoriods
h. stool softner- for the above reason

9. Remember-
a. you will feel good again- after my last treatment, I actually feel better than i did before my diagnosis
b. your hair will come back- granted it may not be like it was before, but it's back
c. you are awesome for fighting this fight!


I hope these ideas help you, if you are having to go down this road.  I would love to see other survivors share their ideas, too! Please comment below- and God bless you on this journey!!

Back again, this time with a ramble!

I am sorry I haven't written in a while, to be honest I was busy "living life" and ignoring the fact that I had cancer! I finished treatment and tried to figure out how to go about my life as a "cancer survivor". I realized that this diagnosis can not be ignored, not matter how much my hair grows back or that surgery or chemo is over. I felt stronger and started walking 3 miles about 3 or 4x's a week. I soon realized that my RA was not in remission and that I will need to go back to the weekly shots- not the news I wanted to hear, because those shots can cause cancer and I am TERRIFIED of getting it again. I went to a support group to try to deal with my "new life" and as soon as I heard the story of the young lady who had breast cancer return in her bones, I couldn' t go back. I'm scared and I don't want to hear that my fears are justified. I look in the mirror and I don't see myself, I see a different person who now has gray very short hair and it brings back to light, that I had cancer. Coming to the realization that I will never be the same person I was before has been difficult, but then again; if I come out a BETTER person, it might be worth it! Please realize, if you meet anyone that has had cancer, they are going to be different than they were before. They will think deeper, care more, laugh louder, and love harder than the average person. But also know, underneath that strength and vitality is someone that knows they should make the most of every day for they are scared that in the blink of an eye there won't be another one! That is what I have been doing, making the most of every day!!!
Now it is time to deal with my next breast cancer road- Friday I go in for the removal of my tissue expanders, the removal of my port and the placement of my implants. This is not a road I EVER thought I would be on. I have had large breast since I was in 9th grade and never once thought I would be going in for silicone implants! I had often wished for a reduction, but the amputation I went through in October was not a wish that was granted well! Let's all just hope that Dr Leake picks out some cute little perky ones that I will be happy with!!! ha ha
As with any surgery, I don't know where this road will lead. I have heard horror stories about the implants, I have heard people say it was not that bad, but I have also learned to be prepared in the event something does go horribly wrong. Hell, I hope that is how everyone lives their life anyway- as if something could go horribly wrong at any time! Live each day as if it is your last and make an impression on anyone you meet! New motto, live like Tim Hunt! He passed away suddenly a couple of weeks ago and he died "a good man". He lived each day being nice to everyone and I don't know if he knew what he was doing, or if he intentionally tried to make an impression on everyone he met, but he sure did! Maybe it's because he had been given so many new chances at life, he survived stage 4 cancer 20 years ago, had multiple heart attacks, and various other health problems- maybe he knew the VALUE of LIFE! It's sad it takes an illness or a diagnosis to learn this value.
I have tried to teach my kids to live life to the fullest, to respect themselves, not to waste time and not to "settle". If I can also now impress upon them to be a "great person" to make a good impression and to be "nice" to everyone that they come in contact with.....even the mailman- I have done a damn good job as their mother! They are my greatest accomplishment and I am so thankful for the opportunity I have to be their mother, I am blessed!

Triple Negative Breast Cancer Awareness Day

When I found out I had Breast Cancer, I thought there was only one kind- Breast Cancer. I had no clue about HER 2 positives, or negatives, Ductal, In-sutu etc. Once we got into our "cancer college" phase, I quickly learned all the differences and learned about Triple Negative- that is the type I have. Today is Triple Negative Breast Cancer Awareness Day, so I will educate you, as well. Here is a description from the Triple Negative Breast Cancer Foundation.

Understanding Triple Negative Breast Cancer

Triple negative breast cancer (TNBC) is one of many forms of breast cancer.

•Forms of breast cancer are generally diagnosed based on the presence or absence of three "receptors" known to fuel most breast cancer tumors: estrogen, progesterone and HER2-neu.

•A diagnosis of TNBC means that the tumor in question is estrogen-receptor negative, progesterone-receptor negative and Her2-negative. In other words, triple negative breast cancer tumors do not exhibit any of the three known receptors.

•Receptor- targeting therapies have fueled tremendous recent advances in the fight against breast cancer. Unfortunately, there is no such targeted therapy for triple negative breast cancer.

•TNBC tends to be more aggressive, more likely to recur, and more difficult to treat because there is no targeted treatment.

•TNBC disproportionately strikes younger women, women of African, Latina or Caribbean descent, and those with BRCA1 and BRCA2 mutations.

•Approximately every half hour, another woman in the US is diagnosed with triple negative breast cancer.  I have sucessfully finished 8 treatments of chemo, and because I have Triple Negative- that is all I have to do. Taking Estrogen or any other medications does not work for the Triple Negative patient, so we are hoping that chemo stomped out all the cancer boogers and the mastectomy got the tumor. I believe awareness and donations for research are the hope for a cure. I appreciate, and will fight for all the organizations out there supporting cures for this horrible disease! If Loreal for one month gives only 2% donations to Breast Cancer Awareness, then this chick will buy that lipstick. I get so sick of the Negative Nellies that have issues with October and the Pink Ribbon- if one damn Pink Ribbon reminds a woman to go get a mammogram, that ribbon did it's job! If one company gives one dime to research, then I praise that company! AFTER you have breast cancer, you come to me and tell me what that pink ribbon means to you. You will find that all these organinzations do mean ALOT- especially, the American Cancer Society, Susan G. Komen, Triple Negative, etc. As well as the small local organizations that do so much for the cancer patient- Loving Arms Cancer Outreach, Chemoflage, Blue Skies Family Retreats, and etc.

So here I am the Breast Cancer Survivor, beating my drum, supporting and writing about today..... 3/3/13- Triple Negative Breast Cancer Awareness Day! Research and Awareness is the key to the cure..... My Spotlight Story