Most of you have been following my journey through Breast Cancer, but for me my life before BC was just as bad (if not worse). August 2011, I hurt my shoulder helping a wheelchair passenger with her big ass suitcase- (I know that is an oxymoron to me, too) ANYWAY- I worked for another month, in pain. I would come home from a trip and rest my arm a couple of days and go back to flying. One day however, we were landing and the pressurization in the cabin, brought tears to my eyes, it hurt so bad. The next day I was sitting ready reserve at the airport and couldn't lift my arm off the table. I went into the supervisors office and told her what had happened. We quickly filled out the OJI (on job injury) forms and shuttled me off to the doctor. That was the last time I have been at the airport!
The doctors and MRI's determined that I had a tear in my labrum. We scheduled surgery and thought everything went well and I would be back at work in 6 months. Things were good for a week or two, then the pain came back. A month after the surgery, I was in more pain than originally- which was hard for me to fathom. Basically, all I did was go to physical therapy, to the doctor and sit on the sofa in pain. If I got up to fix dinner, or run an errand- by the time I was standing for more than 15 minutes, I was dying of pain. I had injections into my joint, 3 Dr's opinions, and finally they determined it needed to be operated on AGAIN!
The second operation was supposed to be in August 2012- I was so looking forward to the relief that surgery would bring. Late one night I was rubbing my shoulder and found the cancer. The surgery, plans for relief, and my life quickly came to a halt!
Well fast forward through, a double mastectomy, 8 rounds of chemo, reconstruction surgery, and my life moving again- it is time for that surgery I put off. THURSDAY-
I have to say I am scared to death! I am scared of being in pain again and having to sit and not be able to LIVE my life! I am tired of being down and not looking forward to 6 months of recovery. I am also scared that this won't fix it again, and I won't be able to get back to my job. I am still trying to find something else to do, other than lugging 50 pound suitcases for a living. Until I find something, or if I don't, I am working back to being a flight attendant.
Because of that fear, I had talked to my Dr about not going through with the surgery and just dealing with the pain I have now. I thought I could live with it, but I didn't realize how tired I still am from the chemo and how I still am not too active. After the class reunion and having a garage sale- I KNOW I need the surgery. All day Sunday I was popping the pain pills, because I danced too much. THIS GIRL HAS GOT TO DANCE (i know not very well,so no smart ass comments from the peanut gallery...), so the surgery MUST go on! I have to learn to golf, get my kayak wet, pick up my grandson, plant a garden, get a job, travel the world, etc.....It is time I am fixed. So please pray for a successful surgery, quick healing and that I can promptly get to my "list" and checking off all my important things!