Thursday, October 12, 2017

My Pink 'Out"

As October comes and goes, we see the "pink" everywhere- Up to our eyeballs in PINK!
We all know what the pink stands for and some of us get mad and in a rage about seeing it, some of us think we are contributing when we purchase the pink items, and some of us make money off of said items, while I think of it this way:

Awareness is important! There are a lot of people that when October comes around and they are surrounded by pink ribbons and every store is selling every imaginable item in pink, those people remember to check their breast or schedule their mammogram.
For that reason, this survivor doesn't mind the on-sought of pink products! 
I welcome ANY awareness that is out there! 
There are only a few organizations that I support, though. One- It is on a local level and I believe in the organization, I love the founders of the organization (two of my chemo nurses). I know they work tirelessly to provide whatever is needed for cancer patients!   Loving Arms Cancer Outreach
The second is The American Cancer Society- I know you say the CEO gets the money, blah blah blah- but when I had cancer, that is where I turned. They answered questions for me, their website was educational, and their programs were awesome- for me personally. So I utilized their resources and sponsored them through Making Strides and the Pink Ribbon Tournament. Lastly, is a new one that every breast cancer survivor needs to support- because if it comes back, this is where we will get help!! Metavivor

Today I have a different feeling towards Breast Cancer, than I did back then. I was in Survivor mode in 2012, I was doing every thing I could to get through it- I used humor, humility and relied on my God, family and friends. Today, 5 years later I am in living mode! I want to live every day as if it were my last- I want to "be right" with God, my Family and every one around me. I want to be a light that shines on someones darkness. I want to treat my body with the respect it deserves and fight cancer coming back into my body, with a vengeance the likes of cancer has never seen before! 
What Pink-tober doesn't show you is what cancer is all about, and looking back I didn't show you either. Every picture I took- even on my diagnosis day I had a smile on, to be strong and show my strength. 
I didn't show my break-downs(and to be honest not many close to me knew about them either), I didn't show my scars, I didn't show all the medication I had to take, or the ugliness of my drains hanging from where my boobs were amputated. I didn't show the worry of going to my oldest daughters wedding 10 days, after the amputation.

I couldn't make you feel all the pain I was enduring or the anxiety that comes with the diagnosis. I couldn't make you feel what I felt, when I had to shave my head and KNOW that everyone would be able to see that I was sick and battling cancer! I couldn't explain that I just didn't feel like getting up, that I was exhausted from just being awake. I couldn't let you know that that face, that smile, it was all for you- so you didn't have to endure the heartache I was feeling inside! If I put on that face and you thought I was strong, it would take some of the pressure off you.

So when you see the Pink, remember the persons behind the pink. Remember what they are really going through. Even if they don't show you! Remember that even 5-10-15 years later, those battle scars are still there!  Remember those precious ones that didn't make it out of the battle alive! Remember Pink is not all that bad! Everyone needs Pink and Glitter sprinkled in their lives!! Dance like there is no tomorrow!!