She has good days, where she remembers every detail, and bad days where she can't remember what she ate or anything else. Taking care of her has been hard on everyone. She lives with my brother, so I guess he has the most responsibility, but then again, with my job and going and coming or my sister's high stress job, it can be said it is just plain hard on everyone. Anyway, we can say in each our own way stress is evident.
Recently, the difficult situation has gotten virtual impossible for all of us and the stress level has doubled, from our own fault, not anything Mom has caused.
However, I came to a realization last week and it has weighed heavily on me ever since I came to the realization. It has depressed me and opened my eyes to all the hurt I am feeling right now.
I took mom to get her hair done for a funeral and we were having some serious conversations, my cousin dying being one. While like I said before, there are good days and bad days, what I should have said: There are good minutes and bad minutes! It (the memory) comes and goes that quickly. My cousin came by to tell mom about her sister and to look through mom's pictures. About an hour after Beth left, mom said, "Someone came to get some pictures- don't let them lose the one of Peggy smiling" She had forgotten it was Beth, that came by. She had forgotten what photo Beth took, but she remembered one that she found after Beth left.
So, during the course of our drive to the hair dresser and my talks with mom, I realized that she can't retain all that I am trying to talk to her about. She was always my "go to", she is the one I always talked over my problems with, and I finally had to admit to myself that she is just not there anymore. It hurts.
I know I shouldn't complain, so many don't even have their mom. I have been blessed with mine all these years and at 93, she has been in great health! But for "the baby", it is hard. We have always had morning chats, even when she lived in Alabama, that was how I would start my day. When I had to tell everyone about my cancer, it was my mom that was the most difficult! I wanted to be that child and break down, but I knew I couldn't. I knew she needed to see me strong and I wasn't sure I could do that with Mom.
And like I said, I know so many people who have had it much worse, and I feel for you and sympathize with all you have been through.
Getting old and growing up sucks! Be thankful for all the mom's out there- being a daughter is such a special part of your life, please cherish it, no matter how old you are!!