Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Get My Euphoria Back!

The Birthday Week is finally here, those that know my best friend and I, know that it is really a "Season". Kim's birthday is the first week in May and we start celebrating then, until the end of May- that is when we celebrate Memorial Day and then switch over to my birthday. We celebrate my birthday, usually till the weekend before July 4th.  That is how it has been since we have known each other.
I can't speak for Kim, but I know I think of my birthday as my New Year's Day- I don't remember things in "years", such as 1999- I remember them in "birthday years", that happened when I was 23, as an example. New Years Eve or Day, don't matter a whole lot to me, it is my birthday that switches the calendar into the next year.
Last year, I celebrated my birthday with only a few worries- paying for Kristi's wedding, losing some lb's, and wondering whether my shoulder would ever be pain free, so I could go back to work. Life was good!
47'th Birthday Lunch
 Well, in a matter of a couple of weeks, things changed- that is when I found the lump. I knew immediately it was cancer. I didn't need to wait on the Dr to tell me, that 47 would be the year of cancer........
So, moving on from 47 and waiting on this Birthday Eve to occur, why am I not my usual "happy birthday self"? I feel incredible blessed right now- I spoke about that in my last post. I really think the reason is that I know how quickly life can change and how much this birthday REALLY should matter!! I remember waiting on the results of the test in August and wondering if I would make it to this birthday! But somehow, I think it is the everyday that should matter. This birthday I am remembering where I was (carefree) last year and this year is totally different- I am totally different! I wish I could time travel back to the above picture, when my hair was brown and long, when I was on the road to another shoulder surgery, so I could get back to flying......I wish, but that is one wish that can't be granted by blowing out this year's candles!
I hope I get my euphoria over my birthday back, but it just seems so anti-climatic, since I have been feeling that same euphoria since February 14th, when I finished chemo and felt like I was given a new lease on life.
So Happy DAY to everyone!! Check your boobs, love your family and friends, and live like there is no tomorrow- don't wait for your Birthday or New Years!!!

Cheers- to you all!!

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