13 YEARS

Lucky 13

Some of my cancerversaries go by without too much of a thought, this one however; did not. It has been 13 years since my diagnosis, it seems like much longer ago, but that’s because so much has transpired in that time. 

I guess I thought about this one more because of those around me that are going through cancer. Maybe it was turning 60 two months ago, that brought up feelings of how precious and short time really is to me. 

Anyway, because this milestone has been occupying a lot of time in my brain, I decided I would do something beneficial to mark 13, in the book of my life. 

Many of you know that when I was diagnosed August 24th, 2012, I turned all my attention to only positive things! I got rid of all negativity in my life, even if it meant leaving some people and things behind. I started fund raising for the Making Strides Breast Cancer walk in Marietta and even had the largest team! I turned my attention into writing my blog and helping people see how to turn the awful diagnosis into making a positive statement and help others! Now, 13 years later I am still trying to decide my calling and where it leads. Saturday when I woke up it hit me- maybe God speaking to me, if you believe like I do- today I will mark 13, with a haircut! I know that doesn’t seem like much, but it is a way I can help others. I will give my hair to “Locks of Love”, and children who don’t feel comfortable going bald, can get a wig to give them a sense of normalcy as they walk through this journey.  Also, those that are going through cancer can see, 13 years from now, they too can give back to help others. 

I believe we are all wonderfully made to tell our story, if only one person hears that story, then you have helped that one person! Who knows how many they will go on to help!! 

Full Heart- Restored Heart

 I guess I should have written about the heart update sooner, but I have really be struggling with what exactly to write. I feel like I have been given a new lease on this life of mine. I know my sister too, feels this way. She came close to not being here for Thanksgiving, suddenly. We weren't quite prepared for it, and we are all still trying to get over that shock. 

So, the heart surgery to repair the hole was November 17th, going on 2 weeks ago. Everything went great. I feel so much better and everyday I am getting my energy back. That is not the story though, and I would fall short if I did not share the story with y'all. 

See, I was scared! When they saw how big the hole was and needed to do the TEE (transesophageal echocardiogram) to see just how big that hole was, I got major anxiety! I even went to far as to write my family letters, for when I was gone. I was worried I wouldn't see Mom again or my grandkids! So I had this test done and the Doctor told us it would require open heart surgery. If I wasn't scared before, well I was over the top- NOW!! So, what do you do when life is out of control? You pray- or at least I do. I call in all my prayer warriors and ask them to to pray! I shared my story, and when I did, not only did I get those prayers, I got answers. I got the names of great cardiologist, fabulous surgeons and the knowledge of this clinic at Emory, just for Congenital Heart Defects. I met those doctors and my prayers were also answered.  I no longer needed open heart surgery. Meanwhile, my sister got sick, and was airlifted to Emory and put in ICU. More prayer request and more answered!!! I can't ignore what God was doing that week! 

So, when it actually came time for the surgery. I could not defy the Lord and be scared or anxious. 

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not you HEART be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

I trusted in Him, I didn't feel the need to tell everyone good-bye. I just made sure they knew I loved them. Mainly, because seeing how sudden Cindi's situation was, we don't have time to waste, your moment can come up anytime! Everyone that I sent pictures to, while I was in the hospital commented that I didn't look like I had just had heart surgery. I am going to say, you were seeing the "Light" of Jesus there, holding me up. 

This fully restored heart was not just healed of a congenital hole, but it was restored in the faith of Jesus Christ. Hearing the sermon from my church today, finally made me sit down and write this blog. I am a "carrier" , not of the covid-19 virus, but of the love and trust of Christ. God set us apart to go forth and fulfill our work in the body of Christ. He answers your prayers. He is the one in control, so you don't have to be. You don't need to be afraid, trust in Him. 

 I will give the glory to Him today and always. 2020 is almost over, we can do this!!! 

Grateful Heart

 Wow, so much has happened in my life, I cannot believe I haven't written in this blog. I guess I will have to catch up with a 2020 Covid Blog....but not now. 

Today we have bigger issues. 2020 has really been something else! In January, Lloyd and I were both sick and that illness seemed to last all the way in to March. During an x-ray for a cough, the film showed that I had an enlarged heart. WELL, I could have told you I had a huge heart- ha ha!! Turns out that is a bad thing. It means my heart is working too hard. It's a muscle and it was getting a work out. (the only part of my body that was!) Anyway, I went for a Echo to see what was causing the issue. It turned out that I had a hole in my heart, that was there from birth. Atrial Septal Defect is the medical term, which is a Congenital Heart Defect. (ASD definition)

In the meantime, Covid hit and we moved to Florida. I had to find a Doctor, go back through the initial visit and get a TEE test to measure the hole. The doctor down here told me that open heart surgery would be needed, because of the size. I'm not going to lie, that freaked me out. I have a perfectly good sternum, with an awesome horizonal scar.....I did not want a vertical scar to mess things up! 

As always, I shared what we were going through. I prayed for answers, and God came through. He put so many people in our life to direct us into the right path. That path has lead us to the Emory Congenital Heart Clinic. So, we will be coming back to Atlanta on Monday November 16th to have a minimal surgery, not OPEN HEART!! The team in Atlanta feels like the hole is small enough to patch through a catheter. Video asd closure surgery

I'm a little nervous, not anywhere near where I was with the thought of open heart, but still.....it's my heart. So many people have had strokes due to this defect and not knowing they had it, so I'm grateful that we found it early and it can be patched. Please pray that they are able to patch this hole, I will feel better after the procedure, and I won't have any side effects from this procedure. 

I can only imagine how much I can love life, with a whole heart!! Can't wait!! Thanks everyone for the prayers. 

Gratitude - isn't only a celebration when good things happen. Gratitude is a declaration that GOD IS GOOD, no matter what happens! 

Anne Voskamp

Mother - Daughter

For several years now, my sister, brother and I have attended to the needs of my mom. I was driving through town, from Marietta to TN, July 2017 and called to check on her. During that conversation she was not making any sense. She could not form her words, and I just thought she couldn't hear me or she thought I was Cindi. I called my brother and he said she was fine, that he just left her two hours prior and she was doing laundry. Long story short, I called her back, her confusion was worse, so we jumped into action and had my sister-in-law and niece go by and call 911. She stayed in the hospital several days and has needed our care ever since. Primarily with food and medicine.
She has good days, where she remembers every detail, and bad days where she can't remember what she ate or anything else. Taking care of her has been hard on everyone. She lives with my brother, so I guess he has the most responsibility, but then again, with my job and going and coming or my sister's high stress job, it can be said it is just plain hard on everyone. Anyway, we can say in each our own way stress is evident.
Recently, the difficult situation has gotten virtual impossible for all of us and the stress level has doubled, from our own fault, not anything Mom has caused.
However, I came to a realization last week and it has weighed heavily on me ever since I came to the realization. It has depressed me and opened my eyes to all the hurt I am feeling right now.
I took mom to get her hair done for a funeral and we were having some serious conversations, my cousin dying being one. While like I said before, there are good days and bad days, what I should have said: There are good minutes and bad minutes! It (the memory) comes and goes that quickly. My cousin came by to tell mom about her sister and to look through mom's pictures. About an hour after Beth left, mom said, "Someone came to get some pictures- don't let them lose the one of Peggy smiling" She had forgotten it was Beth, that came by. She had forgotten what photo Beth took, but she remembered one that she found after Beth left.
So, during the course of our drive to the hair dresser and my talks with mom, I realized that she can't retain all that I am trying to talk to her about. She was always my "go to", she is the one I always talked over my problems with, and I finally had to admit to myself that she is just not there anymore. It hurts.
I know I shouldn't complain, so many don't even have their mom. I have been blessed with mine all these years and at 93, she has been in great health! But for "the baby", it is hard. We have always had morning chats, even when she lived in Alabama, that was how I would start my day. When I had to tell everyone about my cancer, it was my mom that was the most difficult! I wanted to be that child and break down, but I knew I couldn't. I knew she needed to see me strong and I wasn't sure I could do that with Mom.

Her hearing failing made those phone chats more difficult, plus my job being so erratic. Our dynamic has changed. I am no longer the daughter that can go to my mom for support and care, I am now the "Caregiver" and I don't like it- It is hard, it is depressing- and it is stressing me out.
And like I said, I know so many people who have had it much worse, and I feel for you and sympathize with all you have been through.
Getting old and growing up sucks! Be thankful for all the mom's out there- being a daughter is such a special part of your life, please cherish it, no matter how old you are!!

Hurricane Relief

Sure, it’s easier just to pray for the panhandle or send money down there, but doing something and knowing you truly made a difference is better.  That’s my opinion. 

We had our house up for sale for a brief moment, and we looked at several houses in Panama City. All along I said, if it were meant to be, it would sell fast and we would find our perfect new forever home. As you can tell, things didn’t happen that way, we decided to postpone the move for a bit, then Hurricane Micheal happened! Our favorite house in PC was in the worse area hit, the eye of the storm.Thank goodness someone was looking out for us! So you see, not only is this area our favorite, but we could have been there. We could have been two of the victims of this storm.

So many people lost everything. Florida, lost a whole town. A Cape was turned into an Island. Families have been displaced, numerous people lost their jobs, and children lost their schools.

It could be easy to go about my life and ignore these facts, but I can’t! 

With the help of my friends, my cry for donations was met and exceeded! Soon, after the storm I flew two suitcases full of donations to a man I never had met. (Still haven’t) He worked at the Panama City Airport and lost everything. I was also able to give his supervisor, who also lost a home, and another girl $50 each, to purchase some necessities. I had so much stuff, I was able to help 9 medical workers, 2 Baker County residents and a new mother in Albany.
Still, with so much still left over, I was worried it would still take us two trips to get all the donations we had, to the Gulf Coast. My husband saved the day and rented a u-haul! 

Off to Florida we went! We got up at 4 am, had our coffee and was on the road by 5

My brother questioned why I was doing this, my answer was, “because I CAN!” My question to him should have been, “why not”? Lucky for me, my husband has got used to my shenanigans, and he is willing to help!

I had a list of people and the specific needs they had, and I organized the truck, with those stops in mind. The first stop was to be for a lady and her daughter. Her daughter is pregnant and she is disabled. I was taking a good bit of stuff to them, but she didn’t answer her phone and we had to skip her. The next person was this really nice mom and her two kids. She was living in a tent beside her torn up trailer. She asked for clothes and blankets for her kids. I said, “surely there is something more”. She said it would be nice to have some toys to occupy their time when they have to stay in the tent, because of rain. She told me what they liked and off I went to target with the donated gift certificates to get clothes and toys! They thought we were Santa when we pulled that trailer through all the debris into their trailer park!

What you can’t phantom until you see it, is these people and their pride. This lady was standing on a dirt road with trash, debris and mangled trailers all around her, she was listening to praise music and brushing her daughters hair for church, beside the TENT that they were living in! She didn’t want to ask for help! She was doing all she could to be normal in a horrible situation! So often we put off going to church, we say we are too busy. She asked me if we attended a church. I said yes. Truth is, I need to take a look at Lena, living in hell, with no hope of this getting better, she took the time! She can’t take a shower, but she can go praise Jesus! Her daughter is into to some tv show called, Jojo. Little did I know Jojo is the hottest toy of the season and is all over the shelves of Target! Anyway, I was joking about Jojo and Lena said, Jojo is a good kids role model, she makes little girls believe they can do anything! Well......yes we can! Because of all my woman friends, we were able to help a whole lot of people!!

Thank you to everyone who supported me with the donations and helped me collect. It meant a lot to the people of Panama City, particularly Callaway, Parker and Fountain.

Thank especially to my husband who never questions my crazy ideas and helps me when those small ideas, become mountains!!

Update, we bought our dream home on the bay and closed on it in January. Our plan is to move in about 12-24 months. We love that area and can't wait to help it to re-build and be better than ever! #850STRONG

2019- Goal Setting

I have been thinking about goal setting a lot lately. Do you set goals for yourself? I remember the first time I set a goal or a vision, right now it seems a little superficial, but it was the beginning for me. I will go way back to explain where the vision came from:

When I was in high school, my best friend and I always said, "When we turn 40, we will get a convertible Mercedes." I know back then what that really meant, was...when we turn 40 we will have our husbands purchase these awesome cars for us! Well, fast forward to when I was 40- I didn't have a husband or a significant other in my life that would purchase a matchbox car for me, let alone a Mercedes convertible. If it was meant to be, it would be me purchasing it for myself. Which as fate has it, was the best thing I ever could do! I started doing my research and switched gears- my dream car didn't have a back seat to tote my high school daughter and her friends around, so I needed a different convertible car. I talked to my local BMW mechanic, in a bar and he advised me against the BMW, so I decided on a Volvo. Well I needed to save and find the right one in my price range, plus I was picky about what color I wanted. I put the picture of this car, in my garage. Every time I drove in the garage, I visualized the car I wanted. Finally, I saved up and found the car in Chattanooga and drove up there to purchase it and pick it up. So, I ended up with the car I wanted, it may have taken a while to get- but with my goal set, I was laser focused and able to accomplish the vision. Side-note- the local BMW mechanic became my fabulous husband, sold my Volvo and put me in a "convertible Jeep Wrangler".

The second experience I had with setting goals and getting a vision, came after I read the book "The Passion Test". I was sitting on the beach in San Juan for my 41st birthday (I think it was), reading it and making my passion list. Basically it is making a list based on your passions of how you want your life to turn out.

Birthday trip to San Juan 2006

Some of the items on that list was:
1.  Make a happy, comfortable home for my kids to want to come home to, after they go away to college.
3. Be in a relationship with someone who is honest, fun, respectful and supportive of me.
2. Be with a man that loves my kids, will love my grand kids and be an influence on their lives.
3. Expand my business ( I owned the travel agency at the time)
4. Find a way to help others, especially women
5. Travel and share that love with my girls.
6. Be an influence on others
7. Re-connect with my roots and my old friends
8. Spend periodical time alone growing and getting to know myself
9. Continue my close relationship with my sister and our "Sister time"
At the time I was making this list, I looked over and knew the person that I was with was NOT the person that could support any of these items on the list. It was a wake up call for me. We broke up and I went out with the above noted BMW mechanic. On our very first date I shared this list with him. I let him know this was my goal in life and it was where I was at the moment, working on these goals. He was real quick to be supportive of ALL those goals! Even when it meant, starting the Pink Suitcase Sisters and traveling without him.

Ever since then, goals, dreams, visions, and my passion list has become important to me. Every year at this time, I sit down and visualize what I want to accomplish for the year and where I want to end up, things I wish to do, and things I need to purchase. You can also do this with a vision board, to look at throughout the year to remind you of those goals. I keep mine in the laundry room and go over it while folding clothes.

The thing about goal setting is you have to make the goal attainable. When my goal was to get healthy and to lose weight. I was specific (lose 10 pounds), I set a date (March 1st, after my anniversary trip Feb 24th) and I made it attainable by setting the goal at losing only 10 pounds. I actually ended up losing 29 AND getting off my RA meds, so the goal was surpassed by a bunch! It is so important to write down your passions. From there, you can make them into goals you set for yourself.

My husband and I share goals and work on some of them together. The one right now goes back to number one on my Passion List- My kids and grand kids are my passion, and to have a happy, comfortable, fun home for them to visit, is at the top of my list.
This month we will be purchasing that home and fixing it to be just that! It also checks off some other bucket list items- to be on the water and to live in Florida. Plus, with this house we are able to keep our Marietta house and continue to be here for my Mom. Life is good!!

Mark Twain said it best! "Without Dreams and Goals, there is no living, merely existing, and that is not why we are here!"
Make 2019 your best yet!!

To Begin The Ketogenic Journey

To Prepare for our 2 week Challenge:

1. Get in the right mindset, do your homework and make sure this is the plan for you. Then, follow our Facebook Page to stay motivated, get new recipes and ideas, and share your accomplishments! 
Read these books! The Complete Ketogenic Diet For Beginners
Keto Clarity and the Keto Diet. Also, on Netflix or on Amazon Prime, watch The Magic Pill. Great movie about the benefits of eating keto.
Once you have the mindset- (we are going to take a baby step for this challenge) You are going to begin with a date in mind {May 7th-21st}, we want to make an attainable goal to cut out all carbs (including alcohol and WINE...it's two weeks people!!!),  keep track of what you are eating, and to lose 5 pounds in those two weeks.

2. Calculate your body fat- (you will need this number in step number 3  http://fitness.bizcalcs.com/Calculator.asp…

3. Calculate how many maconutrients you need to be eating daily Keto Calculator. Typically it is around 5% Carb, 25% protein and 75% Fat! 

4. Download an app to help you track carbmaster  (free) or  MyFitnessPal(1.99 a month to track macros), and track everything you eat. It will keep track of your macros for you! Once you have been keto for a while, you won't have to do this, you will be able to gauge your food without all the tracking. Edited- I am starting to track again. I hit a plateau and I think it is because things go in my mouth that I am not being mindful of- a handful of nuts here or there adds up! 

5. Journal, this is the best way to keep track of how you are feeling, what you are eating and how they are tied together. Please, the most important thing about this journal is your measurements!! Make sure you take the time Sunday to record your weight and your measurements. Also, write down your "why". Even if you don't want to share your story on our Facebook page, have your story written down for yourself. You will want to go back and read it when you are having a bad day or you need encouragement. 

6. Try to meal plan- I am not good at this, but there are tons of Pinterest sites and books with meal plans for the keto lifestyle. Make a list of foods you need when you go to the grocery store and get your house prepped for the challenge. Bacon and Butter the Ultimate Ketogenic Cookbook is a great cookbook to help with some easy meals.

7 Buy Keto Strips to track your ketosis- My favorite part, because it is like a competition for me!! Or a Ketone Blood Meter if you really want to get precise- It will show you when you are in ketosis and what you eat that knocks you out of ketosis. Blood ketone meter

8. Throw your thoughts about FAT out the window and start eating the right portion of it by adding it to your food and your coffee!! This XCT oil is what I use to add to my coffee! 

9. NOW- let's get ready, now that you are prepared. Make your plans to go to the grocery store, because you need to go ahead and throw your carbs in the trash and eliminate the ability to cheat. Mark your calendar and buy your journal!! 

Video for Day 1 Motivation

My Keto Journey and How it Began

December 2016, I decided something had to be done. I was not comfortable with my weight or how I looked. My daughter had posted this picture of me, from June, and I could not get it out of my head.

Did I REALLY look like that?? I had been saying forever that I needed/wanted to lose weight. I had tried EVERYTHING- weight watchers, shakeology, advocare, plexus, low fat, you name it, I had tried it! So as I sat in the bathtub, looking at that “monster belly” I told myself to make a plan!

My plan was, FIRST, to get my husband involved. See he does a lot of our cooking and without him in on this plan, it wasn’t going to work. I asked him to look at me and really  hear what I was saying. I was crying and telling him that he had to help me. Second, I made a date. That date was March 1st. I wanted to get myself through the holidays and our anniversary trip. Not only was I going to change my eating habits, I was going to give up wine, for as long as it took to meet my goal. My goal was 10 pounds. I was starting with baby steps. I knew I had more to lose, but I didn’t want to overwhelm myself.

I wasn’t sure how I was going to lose the weight, but I had my “WHY”, now I needed my “HOW”. That was when a friend of mine posted a video about her new diet. She shared her health issues and what the diet was doing for her. The I saw a post- a really long one, from another friend. She was doing this same diet- I started doing the research, along with reading the book “Wahl Protocol Diet” and I formulated my HOW! I found that t this diet plan was a little restricting, but the Keto diet followed the same concept. That is when I read Keto Clarity, and switched to the keto lifestyle.

I met my first goal pretty quickly, then I moved the carrot- 30 pounds is my goal- right now I am maintaining right at 27, but that is well enough. This year my goal is to get into shape. I never really exercised this past year, as I was losing the weight, so this year I will tone up this new body.

When I lost 24 pounds and finally posted the beginning pictures and the results, everyone thought I was selling a product. I wasn’t- I was just so happy with what I found and thought so many people could benefit from this lifestyle. See I don’t think of it as a diet anymore, it is a way of life. People ask me if I am going to quit now that I have lost the weight, or they say, “when you can eat normal again”. .... The answer is, no I will always chose this way of life over rice, or bread, or candy. Sure, I have some cheat meal- like when we decide to go to eat Mexican, but I limit it and is rare.

This journey is not for everyone and I will not push it on anyone, but if you are going to give it a try, please share with us. Join our Facebook group and share your recipes, share your struggles, share your thoughts, share your pictures and your accomplishments! I would have never found this way of living, had it not been for my friends who shared their story and put themselves out there for all of facebook to see!! Thank you Amanda and Diana, because of them, my life was changed!!

5 Years, Really?

It's been 5 years,
5 years since I went to my last chemo infusion,
5 years since I felt the relief that I could possibly be cancer-free,
5 years since I had the uncertainty of what my life might look like from now on.

5 Years, really? Let the celebration begin! 2-14-18

Soldiers in my Army, on my last day of chemo

Sweet Maria my chemo nurse

Only Kimmie can make chemo fun!

And Nurse Becca Coppola, the best!!

This 5 year mark is supposed to be a big deal. I have been told that with Triple Negative Breast Cancer, your odds of re-occurrence is stronger before the 5 year mark.
So, I should celebrate this anniversary! I do breathe a sigh of relief, but this life of mine has forever been changed! How, you ask?

 RELATIONSHIPS- I love more deeply....everyone! I remember all of those people that offered the support and the friendship to me during this time and I appreciate it so much. I have also forgiven all of those that have hurt me in the past. Letting go of that was important in my healing, even if they never know they hurt me or that I had something to let go. My friendships are so important to me. It is so important to express your gratitude for those that you are close to, those that mean something to you.  Tell them today!!
Family is my life!  I know that there is no guarantee of time and we must value every minute together. Make moments count and don't put off the experiences that you can take NOW!
People on the most part are good. We need more love in this world and less hate!

WORRY- I use to worry about little things, but now I measure everything to the "cancer scale". I used to get upset easily and hold grudges. But now I ask, how important is it really? Does it compare to cancer? Nothing really does- so I really don't get rattled by much. Plus, I know I can't worry about other people. They and only them, are responsible for themselves- their happiness, their unhappiness, their stress, their attitudes. I can only focus on my being, not worry about others, not worry about what happens or what is to come.

The most significant change that came with cancer, and has a lot to do with the release of my worries-
MY FAITH! I believe that God played a huge role in my cancer story, and it is a story he wanted me to share. He didn't give me cancer, but he did give me the strength to deal with the illness. He was there for me, I re-dedicated my life to him, and I give the glory to Him!

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known by God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. 

MYSELF- I changed and I really hope that it shows!  I hope that everyone can see I love more deeply, that I care more about others, and that my light shines brighter because of what I have been through. I hope that when I am around people that they feel that heat from my light and they in turn can love deeper, feel God in their life and worry less.

There was a reason for that chapter of my life, I am not sure what it was yet. (Or if I will ever figure it out) But I know that THIS, this anniversary- is the beginning of a whole new book! THIS is where I shut the door on this evil cancer saga and throw open the window to a whole new beginning. Will I forget that saga? NO- It is forever etched into my being. It carved out the "new person" that I am. It bred in me the knowledge that things can change in life, with one phone call, one Dr. visit, and one minute life can be altered. So THIS NEW BOOK, will be lived out in full color, in audio with the volume turned WAY UP!! My life will shine with the knowledge of having lived and learned the cancer story. I am blessed to have a husband that is right there by my side, with all the changes, (most of the time) he can handle living in the intensity of this light of my life!

 My prayer for everyone that knows me is that you learned through MY story and you don't have to live it to learn it! My prayer for those of you that have already been through it, or are going through it, I pray that you embrace the changes that you are going through, that you have faith and find your warrior spirit to get through it;  with the help of your friends and family.

So I throw a BIG HEART into the air this Valentines Day and wish everyone a great year ahead! Today the new door on my life is opening up with a burst of light! I am ready to step through- I love you all!!

My Pink 'Out"

As October comes and goes, we see the "pink" everywhere- Up to our eyeballs in PINK!

We all know what the pink stands for and some of us get mad and in a rage about seeing it, some of us think we are contributing when we purchase the pink items, and some of us make money off of said items, while I think of it this way:

Awareness is important! There are a lot of people that when October comes around and they are surrounded by pink ribbons and every store is selling every imaginable item in pink, those people remember to check their breast or schedule their mammogram.

For that reason, this survivor doesn't mind the on-sought of pink products! 

I welcome ANY awareness that is out there! 

There are only a few organizations that I support, though. One- It is on a local level and I believe in the organization, I love the founders of the organization (two of my chemo nurses). I know they work tirelessly to provide whatever is needed for cancer patients!   Loving Arms Cancer Outreach
The second is The American Cancer Society- I know you say the CEO gets the money, blah blah blah- but when I had cancer, that is where I turned. They answered questions for me, their website was educational, and their programs were awesome- for me personally. So I utilized their resources and sponsored them through Making Strides and the Pink Ribbon Tournament. Lastly, is a new one that every breast cancer survivor needs to support- because if it comes back, this is where we will get help!! Metavivor

Today I have a different feeling towards Breast Cancer, than I did back then. I was in Survivor mode in 2012, I was doing every thing I could to get through it- I used humor, humility and relied on my God, family and friends. Today, 5 years later I am in living mode! I want to live every day as if it were my last- I want to "be right" with God, my Family and every one around me. I want to be a light that shines on someones darkness. I want to treat my body with the respect it deserves and fight cancer coming back into my body, with a vengeance the likes of cancer has never seen before! 

What Pink-tober doesn't show you is what cancer is all about, and looking back I didn't show you either. Every picture I took- even on my diagnosis day I had a smile on, to be strong and show my strength. 

I didn't show my break-downs(and to be honest not many close to me knew about them either), I didn't show my scars, I didn't show all the medication I had to take, or the ugliness of my drains hanging from where my boobs were amputated. I didn't show the worry of going to my oldest daughters wedding 10 days, after the amputation.

I couldn't make you feel all the pain I was enduring or the anxiety that comes with the diagnosis. I couldn't make you feel what I felt, when I had to shave my head and KNOW that everyone would be able to see that I was sick and battling cancer! I couldn't explain that I just didn't feel like getting up, that I was exhausted from just being awake. I couldn't let you know that that face, that smile, it was all for you- so you didn't have to endure the heartache I was feeling inside! If I put on that face and you thought I was strong, it would take some of the pressure off you.

So when you see the Pink, remember the persons behind the pink. Remember what they are really going through. Even if they don't show you! Remember that even 5-10-15 years later, those battle scars are still there!  Remember those precious ones that didn't make it out of the battle alive! Remember Pink is not all that bad! Everyone needs Pink and Glitter sprinkled in their lives!! Dance like there is no tomorrow!!

Goodbye Lookout Mountain (written around 1993 or so) Addendum written today

Yesterday Lloyd and I went retirement- house hunting on top of Lookout Mountain, it reminded me of this story I wrote after my uncles funeral. I wrote it sometime around 1993 or so, I can't remember when he died exactly and I didn't date the story. With it being the month of love, and I loved Lookout Mountain,I thought I would share the story here:

Growing up, Lookout Mountain was my second home and my second place of being. Second only to Marietta. It was definitely a place where I belonged, if only from time to time. It was a  place where the land was unspoiled and where the houses were cozy and where it seemed time had stood still.
My grandparents lived there most of their lives. My grandfather and his family left the Pumpkinvine Creek by wagon and moved to Dekalb Co, Alabama. My grandparents lived in a three bedroom house with a pond, a creek (Bear Creek), and woods. I cherish the memories I have of that little house and the warmth it had. ( I mean that quite literally, my grandmother would keep the heat on about 90 degrees!) The rocks behind her house seemed to be as big as houses; the woods seem endless, but I felt like I knew every acre and could name every rock back there, behind her house. I would climb to the top of the rocks and have picnics, or play Indian princess.
Even though I was not raised on Lookout Mt, my dad was, and his stories were my connection to the Mountain and his adventures brought it to life for me. This was the mountain my grandmother was afraid to leave, looking back she was a little neurotic about leaving. I never could figure out why you would live on a mountain, if you were scared to drive off of it?? Well, she really didn't need to leave. She never got sick, thanks to her endless supply of Lysol she kept sprayed and wiped all around her house. She never ran out because next door was the little country store, that kept her supplied with all the necessities, such as Lysol. She always worried about everyone, but I think her greatest worry was that someday she would be left on the mountain without Papa Wills. She ended up leaving the mountain first, by ambulance. She later died of the stroke she had on Lookout Mountain. That was in 1989, and that was the first time a bit of that mountain was taken away from me.

Mama Wills with Kristi  1986

My dad stayed there the next year taking care of his dad, Papa Wills, until we had to move him to the nursing home. He later died in 1990, just after celebrating his 99th birthday. We tried so hard to keep him on the mountain and in his own home, as long as we could.

Papa Wills and the pond

Funerals are usually held at Wilson Funeral Home in downtown Ft Payne, Alabama. Even though this is not my hometown and the funeral director is not an acquaintance of mine, those front doors seem too familiar to me. The quality and the longevity of my grandparents lives made it easier to mourn. Their funerals almost seemed a celebration of their long lives.

Soon more pieces of the mountain seemed to be fading. My father's aunt and uncle passed away soon after Mama and Papa Wills. We were all close to them. They didn't have any children and so they treated us as their own. I had a cement foundation about the size of 7' x 7',  where I played store and restaurant, in my grandparents backyard. Anytime that uncle pulled up in the yard next to my "restaurant" I made him order something. He always would purchase my make-believe food, with a nice crisp one dollar bill, that he let me keep! He even continued that tradition when my kids were born, even though they were too young to make him my famous Lookout Mt Mudpie, they still got a dollar from him.
My parents moved back to Lookout Mountain to take care of my grandparents. They bought 20 acres down the road from them and started remodeling an old farmhouse. It was where my dad wanted to be the whole forty years he lived in Marietta.

Mom and Dad right before they moved back to Alabama

I guess that is why is was appropriate that he was there, when he passed away. But for me it is not appropriate, it is not fair that he is gone! He needs to be here. He needs to be teaching my daughters how to fish, he needs to be here to get irritated with them when they don't set the hook and the "big one" gets away. He needs to be here to see the humor that my kids have. But no, that was not the plan. We have to keep those stories and the ones of Lookout Mountain alive with "Porky Stories". (My dads nickname) My dad died looking at the stars that seemed to shine brightest on Lookout Mountain, and breathing the air so clean and digging the dirt that was as fine as powder. He died just before he got his trout pond filled. That was when the biggest chunk of my mountain started fading away. Standing on my parents deck, after his funeral I felt as if I could see all the way to heaven or maybe this was heaven. The ponds, the creeks, the woods, the huge rock formation, and all the family. This was my father's heaven! That is why in God's scheme of thing my parents picked up and moved back to Alabama. Since that time, my mom has moved back to Marietta and we haven't been back to Ft Payne, much. I didn't feel I had enough mountain to go back and these memories were almost too heavy to carry up the mountain.
Yesterday, I passed through the double doors of Wilson Funeral Home, once more. I sat in the same family pew, again. I said good-bye to my daddy's younger brother. I stood at the cemetery and looked at the majestic Lookout Mountain. I saw the beauty that filled my grandparents and my father everyday. I went to the top of the mountain and stood in my uncle's driveway; looking down at my grandmother's house, and the old pond. I took a mental picture. It hit me, that my mountain was gone.
As I drove down the mountain the sun was setting in my rear-view mirror, the most gorgeous sunset with the colors vibrant oranges and reds. The new moon was starting to rise in front of me, so bright, with a wonderful glow.My tears are flowing like the waterfall at the Little River Canyon, as I say good-bye to my mountain, to my father and to the rest of the family and pieces of this beautiful Lookout Mountain.

Addendum to this story:
I have since gone back for more funerals- 
One was for my partner in crime and mudpie making cousin; Pam died in 2009. Much too early, at 57. She instigated taking turnips from Papa Wills' garden for our "store and restaurant" and to mix in our mudpies. She also showed me how to go buy bootleg beer, because Ft Payne was a dry county at the time. She showed me how to have a cattail fight. Our best adventure (although scary at the time) was getting stuck in the mud, in the middle of no where off a dirt road, somewhere near the brow, in her Camero. No lie, someone in a horse and buggy saved us. There is a lot more to this story, and it will be saved for the grandchildren, like a Porky Story, that is hard to believe.
Also to be added to my mudpie story, just last year my mom brought me a rolling pin. She said, "Your dad picked this up in Mama Wills' yard, and wanted you to have it. He said it is the one you played with in her back yard." I could have cried at that piece of my mountain coming back to me, and that rolling pin is now displayed in my kitchen. Maybe one day, Kinsley or one of the other granddaughters can make mudpies for me and I can buy them for a dollar. 

Yesterday I visited this mountain again- this time with new life. We saw an old farmstead that is in need of TLC and we looked at the river flowing past the place. I guess after all this time has passed, you can go home again and see the mountain with happiness and not the sorrow I had when I wrote the first story above. 

God Winks

This story was too amazing for me not to share-
Lately, I have had a Bone Scan and Cat Scans, tomorrow is the PET Scan. It is going to be nothing, but for the past few weeks I have been worried.
I had a trip Thursday and really wanted to fly with my friend Nessa, so she could distract me. That is where this story starts!  I told Nessa to send the two flight attendants on my trip, a message, to see if one of them would let her take their place. She did and got no response. So Thursday when I checked in, I asked the girl on my trip if she had received the message from Nessa. She said, "No, that is weird I didn't get it, there must be a reason I am on this trip with you. I can't wait to see what it is!!"  Her name was Tiffany.
So later, Tiffany and I went down for dinner. She started telling me about an injury she had a couple of years ago. I told her my story, my shoulder injury, my cancer, ya da ya da ya da..... She looked at me and said, "Are you ok right now?" I was kind of taken back by the way she said it, and I looked at her and said, "yeah, um no, um well....I am having scans right now and that is why I wanted to fly with my friend." She said, "Oh my gosh, that is why I was supposed to fly with you!!! I have a book for you to read" I looked at her very curiously. I told her that not only did Nessa send you a message, that you did not get, but I did as well! She started crying and said that there was no way she would not have received those messages and that I really needed to read this book she had to share.
I know there are some of you out there that don't believe in God and you don't believe in His hand in any of this, but I do. I know that God puts people in your life at the right time for the right reason.
I had been worried, I had been scared- I was a little more than a little nervous that cancer was coming back into my life. I read the book Tiffany gave me, so tonight, the night before my PET scan, I am not scared or worried. The book was Healed of Cancer, by Dodie Osteen. I found by reading her book, that I believed in my heart I had been healed, but my head was wavering. I was allowing the Devil to make me scared and get in my head. I needed to check my spirit and faith.

There was a passage in the book that spoke to me, Nathum 1:7 The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble and He knows those who trust and take refuge in Him. 

So, because of this fabulous woman, because of the God Winks of this week and His intervention in my life, I am calm tonight and can share this story with you. I trust that no matter what He has in store for the rest of my life- HE is the one in control and HE will heal me. "By the stripes of Jesus, I am healed!"

Thanks Tiffany for your awesomeness, your spirit and your testimony. I am so glad God put you in my life this weekend.

Changes will occur!

I started flying for Airtran on a whim, back in April 2010, but that is not when my love of Airtran began, nor my love for travel and planes.

I know here in Atlanta we are supposed to love Delta Airlines, but being a travel agent and seeing their customer service from my desk, I was never impressed, if I could even get through to them at all. If I called Airtran, I usually spoke to someone very personable that was sitting in Carrollton, Savannah or Atlanta- it was always the same, they helped me out with any need I had for my client and we carried on a very pleasant conversation while we worked. When I traveled, it was the same- Delta yes, they had meals, but they were usually served by some grumpy old flight attendant that acted like she hated her job. (I do have to say over the years Delta has got better, may it is because they have recently hired a lot of my friends!) Airtran would pass my pretzels out AND carry on a conversation with me. ValuJet was the first airline my kids flew on and we continued flying Airtran throughout their teenage years. Primarily because I would "earn" so many free tickets from work.
Throw back to commercial for valujet changing to Airtran

So you get the picture- I loved Airtran before I started working for them. Soon after I started, we got the news unexpectedly that we were going to merge with Southwest. I have always loved change, so I wasn't too scared, until I realized I was going to have to start commuting. Then I realized we were so small, I knew the people I was flying with, Southwest is huge- I will never see or fly with my friends! Will I ever be able to make friends?

Airtran Graduation 2010

 Some of my Airtan Memories!

 And the benefits of flying- taking my girls to Chicago for a little getaway!

New Friend

Well that change came December 19th- I went from Airtran over to Southwest and I have to say, I LUV it!!! Yes, commuting is hard AND EXPENSIVE, but I still love what I do. I am based in Houston, TX and now I am in love with Texas- my second home! The people I have met and flown with are awesome, and yes I am making friends! AND I am seeing my old friends too! 

Old Friends!

Don't be afraid of change, it will happen! Embrace it and hold on for the ride!!