Monday, November 19, 2012

Time for the Roller Coaster

Let me get out the Pink Big Girl Panties and put them on- so begins chemo week......

It's like standing in line for the monster roller coaster, it's too late to turn around, but the closer you get the more fear you have about the ride. Yes, even though I went through chemo two weeks ago, there is still fear of the unknown reactions and when they will hit. Not being able to plan doesn't sit well with this chick!
It's a great metaphor too, because the days are like a roller coaster, too! I can feel great and be out shopping with my sister and turn white and feel like I am going to faint, without any notice. Yes, the sweet sales associate at Belks had to walk me to the door, while Cindi went to get the car. I tried to hide how I was feeling, but can't hide how I looked....not from Cindi! I can also feel great and all of the sudden a wave of naseau hits and I can't make it to the bathroom quick enough. Things take a 180 degree turn in seconds! I can look great, when I take a picture at La Parilla- but you didn't see me in bed the hours before that to even get the energy to go out as planned.
This chemo also brings me one day closer to the shaving of my head- my hair already hurts, so I know the hair loss is coming quickly. It feels as if you are taking down a ponytail, after having it in too long. I am wrestling with the decision of how to "do" the head shave. Do I want to have the intimate moment with Lloyd and give in to the emotions? Or do I want to surround myself with "my big girls" and laugh and cry and have them to hold my hand? Don't know why I am making a big deal about it, cause I know what I am going to do! Kim and Cissy will be here for the intimate moment and be there for Lloyd and I. We will all laugh and cry! Cindi says she can't be here to watch. I will give Kristi and Brittany the option of whether they want to be included or not. I think they need to see their mom and the strength I am going to have to pull out my ass to do this, but I will let them decide.
We have also come up with a plan- I think it is the flight attendant in me that gives me the ingenuity and Cissy's experience. We are putting duck tape on my bangs and my wisps and then cutting them to save. We will then put velcro on them and use them in my hats. You can buy fake hair like that, but I want to use my own! Ok- I have my plan!
Since it is Thanksgiving week, I have to say I am so thankful for my husband, my rock. I am thankful for my kids, who make me so proud and give me such joy. I am thankful for my besties and the support they offer me on a daily basis. I am thankful for my sister and my mom who are always just a phone call away and will drop everything. I am thankful for EVERYONE that has offered my support and prayers over the past months.
Lastly, I am thankful for facebook, my blog and the voice I have to give in the fight against cancer. I am blessed to know 2 people going for mammograms this week, because of my voice. I also, unfortunately, know one person that has found a lump and is going to have that checked this week, because of my voice. Please keep this special lady in your prayers, that this sonogram is normal and no sign of a tumor. I love you and it will be ok!
Alright, buckle up and get those big girl panties adjusted! It's time to get ready.

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