A year already- do I say cancer-free?

Lots of people you meet who have had cancer are quick to say (proudly) I am a _ year survivor, or I've been cancer free for _ years. I just don't know how I feel about saying that. I kinda feel like I am jinxing it to say I am cancer-free or I'm a one year survivor. I probably shouldn't be, but I am uncomfortable saying those words.
Anyway, it has been exactly ONE year since Kim and I loaded up the BMW and headed to the infusion room for the last time. ONE year ago that I experienced the relief of finishing chemo and also the fear of being without the chemo and the doctors being there for me every other week.

Last Chemo- Number 8 on Feb 14, 2013

Cancer changed me and this year I have really grown into this new person. My life is so fullfilled! God has given me the blessing of every new day and I am taking advantage of each and every one of them. He put so many wonderful people in my life during this journey and I hope to nuture those friendships. I have worked on getting my stamina, my life, my hair, eyebrows, and fingernails back from the destruction of chemo. I pretty much feel back to normal. Although, my husband says I never have been normal! So.... normal for me.
I am still scared to death that the cancer will return, but that is the fear most cancer patients live with, whether they are cancer free for one or a gazillon years. I am sure I just get used to living with that fear, eventually.
I never was big on Valentines Day, I always felt like it was just a commercial holiday. Now, Valentines is a day I LOVE- it is a re-birth of my life and all that I love! It is a day to celebrate the end of cancer, the end of chemo and the beginning of the new life to share with all my loved ones.

So Happy Happy Valentines to all of you!! Please, check your boobs, eat some chocolate, and maybe have a little wine!
I will now go celebrate my ONE YEAR re-birthday and do the same (except check my boobs, since they are gone)!!









 

 One year later.....Happy Valentines

 

 

Valentines Celebration 2013

New "Prettier" Beginnings- 2014

In a way I hate to write another blog, after the one I wrote about Missy on January 1st. As of today, it has been read by close to 900 people. People I didn't know, came up to me at the funeral to tell me thanks for writing it and how special it was. I even had someone ask that I write one about them when they pass away!

I really don't know if I can live up to that blog or not, it truly was written from my heart. I started formulating this blog on New Year's Eve, but Missy's blog quickly took first page when I was stunned by her untimely death. So this blog has been changed a little, because of the impact Missy's death made on me.

One week ago, if I had told Missy that our church would be over flowing with people that admired her and wanted to pay tribute to her, she would have been embarrassed and told me I was crazy. I think she knew that she impressed some people and made an impact on their lives, but not to the extent that was apparent yesterday. Missy was a behind the scenes person, never wanting to draw attention to what she did. She never did anything for notoriety, just out of the goodness of her heart. If you knew her or came into her presence, you knew of her giving heart.

Yesterday, the preacher talked about Missy's "pretties" (as she called them) and how she collected things- lots of things!! He talked about making our corner of the world "prettier", make our marriage "prettier", make the world "prettier". Appreciate the beauty in each day and all your surroundings.

If cancer had not already made me realize that, Missy and Tim Hunt's death, earlier in 2013, surely did!! They both were amazingly good people who left us way to soon, but with their death and with the cancer, came a light to my life. They shine in me to be a better person. I am sure my life is not the only one that has been touched by the two of them! Missy's light and the goodness of her, lives in her children and those who knew her. Same with Tim, because of his example, those that knew him, try to be better people.

2013 was an uphill road for me, the chemo treatments, new cancer free boobs, new hair-do, the shoulder surgery and now the recovery and physical therapy to get back to work after almost three years, and the loss of two friends Tim Hunt and Missy Randall. It also brought lots of memories and happy times, being honored at the Pink Ribbon Golf Classic and the Making Strides Walk, checking things off my bucket list, time spent with family and friends, Kristi getting settled into her new marriage and new home, Jim and Janet's new home, My Flipagram from 2013

Brittany's graduation and announcement of her baby. I am at the top of that hill now, and I am going to live up here as, Tim and Missy would have!! I will make this hill "Pretty" and I will shine like I have never shone before! Life is precious and ever minute counts, so burn your light bright! Live with the volume turned up, look down at the path you are walking on and don't miss a thing! Don't wait till the funeral to show someone they matter to you, let them know now. 

2014 hopefully will bring me health and I'll be able to get back to work, doing what I love. I am going to be a Grandmother again, and I am so excited about that new life. I have the best friends around me, some  that have been here forever. I have the most awesome family, that I couldn't live without. I am thankful to have a supportive husband, who is my rock. My blessings are many.

Yes, it is those blessings God has given me, that will lift me up for the new year. The teachings that I have learned over the past year from the battle with cancer and the loss of these two good friends will point me in a new direction, they will be my compass and I will begin 2014 with a "Prettier" beginning! I ask you all to join me on this new journey and this new adventure from the top of the hill!

A Piece of My Heart

Sometimes people come into your life and they hold a piece of your heart, you may not talk to them, you may drift apart, you may not have much in common, but they always are there in your heart. My friend Missy Wilson Randall was one of those people, so today a piece of my heart is broken. Missy's death shocked us all, she had not been sick, she never suffered, she may not have even known it was happening. It was a hemorrhagic cerebral vascular accident, that took her from us.

I was born exactly one year after Missy, and we became friends at that moment. The story was; our parents had to install a gate in our backyard fence, they were afraid Missy was going to kill herself climbing it, to come play. I never remember the gate not being there or Missy for that matter, so it must have been installed shortly after she learned to walk.

We spent every waking hour together, as kids. As soon as I woke up I would go outside to my swing and start yelling, "Missssssyyyyy, Miiissssyyyy". Her mom Polly would come out and tell me if she was still asleep, David, her brother, would come out and tell me to shut up, or Missy would come running out and off we would go, till it was time for bed. Then once inside for the night, we had soup cans with the string strung from her bedroom window to mine, so we could talk. That was before we upgraded to walkie talkies. Days turned to nights, nights turned to days and the years became our childhood together. Our days were spent riding the wheels off our Big Wheels in her driveway, racing our bikes with Keith and Steve Carter, building forts out of my brothers paintings with Darby and Brooke and countless hours with Legos and Barbies. We were like sisters, we laughed like sisters, we fought like sisters, and we were opposites like sisters. Where Missy was studious, I was not. Where Missy loved to cook and sew, I did not. Where I got in trouble, Missy did not. But, I made Missy laugh. I loved her laugh and the fact she laughed at my stupid jokes. I also understood her, what she lived with in her house, and she understood mine. No one else did. We held those secrets near and dear, and she was my rock my stability.

My Mom held us together and when Polly died, my Mom swooped in and took Missy under her wing. Missy basically became my Mom's other daughter. Being a stupid middle school kid, I resented it sometimes, because Missy was perfect. She was smarter, more talented, nicer.... but I still loved her. She was always there for me. I know Missy's bond with my Mom influenced her life, she is more like my Mom in some ways, than I am. My Mom introduced Missy to the 1st Methodist Church and she grew to be a wonderful Christan Servant of that church, just like my Mom. She loved to be in the kitchen and cook for people, just like my Mom. She loved her flowers and nature, just like my Mom. She was quick to let you know JUST what was on her mind, just like my Mom. She had a love for antiques and fostoria, just like my Mom. So as much as Missy got from their bond, my Mom got just as much, she gained a daughter!

We didn't have to talk much to know that our bond was forever. Every now and then on facebook we would write a little inside joke, that just the two of us would understand. We would send each other a card with an old picture or something we would find in our attic. We never had a fight or lost respect for each other, life just got in the way. We always talked about getting together, it just never could happen. She always joked and said, "as soon as the 5th one is out of high school, maybe we will have time."

In high school we didn't see each other much, like I said, she was older and in the "smarter classes", but I would often run into her in the hallway. Sometimes if I saw her and her cheeks were beet red, I knew she was stressed over a test (something I never did understand), but I would give her a squeeze and tell her not to worry, she always did well, why worry? Sometimes her cheeks were just red because she ran into a boy she had a crush on, I would trivialize that, too. Her cheeks gave her away, not that you didn't already know where you stood with her. She wore her heart on her sleeve. You always knew how she felt. If she was mad about something, you would know that too. Last time I saw her, she was mad that she missed the dedication for the park that was named after her Dad. She was good at fuming, and the steam was flying that day. Of course I would have been there too, if I had known. Guess we both should have read the MDJ- ha ha.

Missy knew that from the time I was a little girl, I wrote to express my feelings. Whether it was a story when we "played school", an apology letter for being in a fight, or just to say I love being her friend. So, I guess she would know that I was going to write about her today.

She was an angel. She would do anything for anyone. She was good! A good mother, a good friend, a good wife. A piece of my heart went to heaven this morning, so my heart is broken right now. It breaks not just for my Mom and I, it breaks for all those that knew this gracious amazing woman. I know if Missy was my Rock at 7 years old, she was a Rock at 49, to everyone around her.

I guess if there is a moral to this story, those people that touch your heart, let them know. Let them know that they are important to you. Every time we talked we said we needed to catch up and get together, but we rarely did, and we should have! Times like these I don't understand why God takes someone so important. A mother of five, a wife, a friend. Why Missy? Why not someone else? I didn't get to eat her chicken pot pie, she promised me. I didn't get to show her my garden I was so proud of, because I was finally living up to "Missy". She didn't get to see all her babies grow up and finish school. She was so proud of them and their accomplishments she needs to be here to see them accomplish more. I just don't understand WHY!

What I do know is, Heaven now has a very special person. Missy is now with her Mom and Dad and one day we will again laugh together. I can hold on to the special memories we have. I can remember Missy as she ran from Nobie, when she would try to brush her tangled hair. I can remember us swinging and singing at the top of our lungs. I can remember her standing in my kitchen with my Mom, or sitting at the sewing machine. I have those precious memories to forever hold on to.
Reach out to the people that mean something to you and make time for them. Don't put it off any longer!

 Funeral arrangements have been made for Sunday, January 5, 2014 at 3pm at the First United Methodist Church in Marietta.  They will receive guests beginning at 1pm, prior to the service.  

Missy's Obituary

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What would your Christmas wish be?

Her name is Olivia, and she is from a small town in rural Alabama. I had breast cancer last year, so a mutual friend was looking for some wigs or hats for Olivia, and that is how we met. Her cancer is stage 4 ovarian, that has spread to her stomach lining. Yesterday I found out that the doctors have called in hospice to help Olivia.
I started helping her because she is alone, has no insurance, no car and I couldn't imagine going through cancer that way. See I had a whole community (Marietta, GA) helping me. They sent me gifts, they baked food, they gave us gift certificates to go out to eat, they prayed, they made donations on my behalf, and my bff drove me to every chemo and was there any time I needed a laugh. I had someone to listen any time I needed to speak. My husband held me when I needed to breakdown. I didn't have to worry about the cost of a pill or whether I could make it to an appointment. I had insurance that was covering most of the cost. Olivia doesn't have any of that. Sure she has some people helping out occasionally, but most days are quiet. So quiet in fact that a radio is at the top of her wish list. (Which I will get to later)
Olivia, is a good person. Does she have some problems? Yes. Has she made some questionable decisions in her past? Yes. We all have! That doesn't mean we should just leave her without help!
Olivia's biggest fault is that she hasn't asked for help. She sits in her trailer and "NEEDS" things, but no one knows. We get busy with our day to day lives and forget about the ones that need us most. I have said all along in this blog, that the biggest thing that has helped me through this past year, is knowing I had people there to help. They were there because I shared my story. Just as I hope my story has helped others, that are now walking in my shoes.
You don't realize what scared is, until you walk in those shoes. But still, even at that; I don't realize and can't imagine the Doctors telling me that it is nearing the end and to call in hospice. I can't imagine having to talk to hospice myself and make the directives. I remember doing that for my dad, but we would have never subjected him to that train of thought.
Sit back and think,  have you ever been alone? REALLY, alone? Now think about the worse thing you have ever been through, were you alone? I can honestly say, no, I never have. Even when I thought I was alone, I truly wasn't. I have always had my sister, my family, my kids. It felt dark, but it really wasn't, I had people around that could come in and turn on the lights for me. So now I sit here reflecting on Olivia, and the unknowns out there like her. What can I do? How can I make her Christmas better? First, I can share her story, because I know it! Second, I can do what I can- I don't have extra money right now, because I am still out of work on medical leave, but I have set up a donation website for Olivia. Plus, she has the wish list I was talking about and I can help put that together and get it to her.
My husband and I were going to do something different for Christmas this year, because we are celebrating early with our kids. We were looking for a family to cook for and deliver their Christmas dinner. I found out yesterday that Beverly, my friend from Marietta, is going to Brewton. So guess who we get to cook for??? Olivia! Beverly is going to deliver Olivia's gifts (items from her wish list) and food for her. We are so excited that we are able to make her smile for Christmas. I just wish we lived closer so I could deliver it myself, but I am so thankful for the Norton's for helping me out. Plus, Olivia wants to see her grandmother, who is in assisted living, so Beverly is giving her a ride over there, as well.
Olivia knows her time here is short. She is scared, but she believes in God and knows that heaven awaits. Her message that she most wants everyone to know is that,  "If you know anyone with cancer or is sick, help them. Help by praying, or help in anyway you possibly can, even if you can't help financially. We need to all come together and stand strong for one another, even if you don't know them. AND by all means, don't kick someone while they are down. She wants us all to read her favorite bible verse, 1st Corinthians 13 and try our best to live our lives by The Word."
If you want to help with Olivia's Wish List, please pick an item and let me know what you will be donating. I will need the items by Monday. Text me at 678 333-4355 if you have questions or need to mail it directly to her.
1. Cards and Letters, she loves getting mail! Add a stamp, so she can write you back.
2. A radio, the silence is depressing and she loves music
3. Long socks, scarves, gloves, she stays cold all the time.
4. She needs her glasses fixed, I don't know how to handle that one.
5. DVD's, she loves horror films, and disney/pixar cartoons. She has a real old dvd player, but doesn't have cable or Internet.
6. Necessities like toilet paper, paper towels, garbage bags, soap, etc.
7. Christmas presents- she spent Thanksgiving alone and depressed. I want her to have presents to unwrap. That wasn't on her list- I added it.
8. Food- I am adding that one too- if you are cooking any good ole southern vegetables this weekend, please wrap up any leftovers, label them and freeze them. I want her to have some Southern Home Cooking to pull out of the freezer and heat up.
8. Most of all she wants your prayers and she wants you to pass on this Christmas Spirit to anyone you know that may be going through the same thing she is, right now.

You can drop these items off on my front porch or text me to get her address-

Christmas is not about getting gifts- it's about what you can GIVE!! Let's give Olivia the gift of comfort- let her know she is not alone! As I sit here and ponder, what would be my wish list, if I had to call in hospice? Her's is so simple- it's comfort and warmth. Olivia, you are an amazing and strong woman. The people that have not been there for you should learn from your strength and faith.

Thank you to the Norton's, Lisa, and Pat- who are already helping me, before the blog is even written! You are giving and loving people, but I knew that from when I was going through cancer!

                                                            Olivia McCormick

Thanksgiving and Black Friday Baldness

I had to wait before writing this post- I wanted to get through Brittany's birthday and give it the importance that it deserved. So forgive me that this "Thanksgiving blog" is a little behind.....

Last Thanksgiving (2012) I had my chemo treatment and I knew that it was going to be a bad day. I also knew that I would be losing my hair after this treatment. The fear of losing my hair (as crazy as it sounds to someone that has never been there) was scarier to me, than losing my breast! For those of you getting ready to take this step, I hope this blog post helps you.

I knew that after my mastectomy that I could put on a t-shirt and go out and no one would know I was sick. No one would be feeling sorry for me. I could look in the mirror and not SEE sickness! How ugly would I look? Those fears were running through my head as the day got closer that my hair would be falling out. I decided that Black Friday would be the day I was going to shave my head. I didn't want it to just happen, I wanted to be in control and do it myself! I picked a good day, because that morning when I washed my hair for the last time, it was starting to fall out in clumps. I had arranged for my kids, best friends and my husband to be there for the shave.

 (black friday 2012)

 

So there it went- the hair was gone last Black Friday 2012!

So everyone want to know what I am thankful for this year? I am so thankful to have fought this awful battle and come out on this side! I am thankful for the wisdom and the blessings I have received through the ordeal. I am thankful for those that stood by me and helped with the fight. I am thankful for the new friends I have made along the way. I am thankful to God and the answered prayers. I am thankful for my new mission in life, to touch others with cancer.

Just the other day I received a message on facebook, from someone I didn't know.

Hi Traci! Just read your story on BCA, then went to your blog. I have just finished the exact same thing, having TNBC too! I start radiation next week. Just wanted to tell you how much I admire you for sharing everything. You are truly helping so many women!!! Happy Thanksgiving to you! We have much to be thankful for!!!

 

That kind of message makes me feel like there is a reason why this disease touched my family's life.

You will lose your hair, but don't lose your humor, your hope or your courage. I wore more makeup and decided not to wear a wig.

(2 months after chemo)

After being so scared that people would be able to tell that I was sick, I embraced it instead, and made sure people knew that they needed to check their breast!! Your hair will come back- it may not seem like it before you shave, but it does. I finished chemo in February and in September I had my first haircut! My husband liked my hair when we shaved it and wants me to keep it like the picture above, instead of growing it back out. I will keep it short, but not that short. NOW you know why I am married to that man! If you are going to lose your hair, being married to someone that thinks you're hot that way, sure makes it easier!! So yes, I am so thankful to him!

 

Looking back at last year, I realize that fear was for nothing. I got through it and came out of the darkside stronger than ever! I hope if you are getting ready to go through this journey, my blogs help you and some of your fear is deminished....a little.

 NOW, bring on Christmas- it is going to be a joyous one this year!!

 



Brittany, one of the reasons.....

A little narrative and birthday wish, for "one of the reasons" I am a warrior and fought as hard as I did and "one of the reasons" I am so happy and thankful this Thanksgiving.

Rare moment caught on film...she never cried

But she did get into things!

25 years ago as I prepared to have Thanksgiving at my house, I was also begging my Dr to deliver my second baby girl. He finally agreed to induce me on the 22nd and have me home by Thanksgiving day (the 25th, that year). He did; and that Thanksgiving was the best I ever had!
Brittany Lynn Campbell was stubborn obviously from the "get go". She was expected to arrive early, sometime around Halloween. Yes, I did say the Dr. finally induced me on the 22nd of November.
She has brought so much joy and laughter to all of our lives. I already had a perfect 2 year old and no one could imagine anything any different than the first. That theory was totally thrown out the window, the moment I brought Brittany home from the hospital. Kristi snuggled and would rock for hours. Brittany not so much. If she heard a peep, her head would bounce around to see what the noise was, remember....she is just home from the hospital, and the peep was the two year old wanting to be with the little sister. My grandmother had 8 kids and she found it so funny and odd, that from the very beginning Kristi would drag Brittany around like she was hers. She would tell her what to do and watch out for her.
That was pretty much how most of these 25 years have gone, Brittany being totally opposite from her sister and her sister still watching out for her. They are still best friends and I honestly have never seen them get into a real fight.
Brittany is a contradiction, too. Have you ever met a OCD slob? Or someone who is very focused that is sometimes clueless? Or someone that loves to sleep but never wants to miss out on ANYTHING? Yep, that's our Bitt.
Brittany has the greatest sense of humor and keeps me laughing. Sometimes we don't even know why we are laughing and sometimes it happens in inappropriate places. Brittany and I can just look at each other and bust out laughing, till we are crying. (or running for the bathroom)
She is always up for an adventure. Say the word GO, and she is gone. She is fiercely independent, stubborn, competitive, and fearless. She has a beautiful soul and you can't help falling in love with her. She has always been the light of all of our lives....mine, Kristi's, her dad's, her cousin's, and all her grandparents.
24 was not the best year for Brittany. Her mom got cancer, her best friend and sister got married, as did her dad, and she was trying to get through her last year of nursing school. Through the Christmas holidays, she spent it with me going to chemo. Her strength and beauty amazed me, during that time. Her laughter lifted my spirits so much during the treatments. But during all of that year, you hardly ever saw her feel sorry for herself or get down. She tucked her head, buckled down and pushed her way through it all.
Brittany has been a blessing for all of us and we are so lucky to call her daughter, sister, cousin, niece, friend,  BITT BITT or Bo Bo!! We are so proud of her accomplishments and we know she makes the best nurse there is and Albany is lucky to have her!

Here's to wishing you a very special happy 25th Birthday!

 Grand Bahama

Nassau

 Grand Cayman

 Big Sister love!

Still best friends!!

We're all going to die.........sometime

Those of you following my blog, know that I started a list when I got cancer. It's not some elaborate bucket list, just a simple "don't forget to do these things" list. Some examples, go see a funny movie with friends, take a limo ride to North Ga wineries, help out someone with cancer, go to the beach with my family, take a hike, get healthy, love deeply, get in touch with my spirituality, go to a Braves game, etc (there are MANY MORE)

When you read on the internet what type of cancer you have and that it is "agressive", "more apt to come back", etc. You learn life is precious and just going through our daily lives without fun, interaction, meaning is only wasting those days we have left. We don't ever know how many of those days we do have left, so why waste ANY?  I'm not living like I am afraid of dying, I am living like I am afraid of NOT LIVING! I'm afraid of not living with a purpose.

October brings with it the awareness of breast cancer with all the pretty pink ribbons and such, but it's not only about breast cancer. I know in the past, before bc even, seeing the Pink made me stop and think about ALL cancers. Even though the ribbons are pink in October, I always thought of my dad and his cancer. I'm ashamed to say I don't know what the color is for pancreatic cancer's ribbon. I just know the awareness of Pink in October, meant Cancer. Period Dot.

October and the thought of cancer should have also made me stop and see the beauty in my life and how precious each day without cancer, was for me. Maybe that is something you can't learn, you have to experience. That's ashame too, that you have to look death in the face, before you can truely see life. I preach all the time about that now. I try to yell from the mountainside to appreciate what God has blessed you with and not to complain. Appreciate EVERY second of life, because it can turn on a dime. Get out there and turn up the volume on your life!

So, when we are out there playing golf in our pink or walking in our pink, do some things for me. Look at all the fabulous friends and family you are with, enjoying life and making memories- and appreciate them before it is too late. Live your life with meaning. Life is short and we are all going to die sometime, so make it count while you can.

Sitting here on a beautiful Tuesday, on the 1st day of October- I will thank God for all he has put in my life and thank him for this gorgous life. I will thank HIM for his healing hands and a second chance at life. I will walk around my neighborhood and take note of every precious thing, remember every single memory from my childhood,  and be thankful for all the great neighbors who were there for me last year.

And for you guys, go make your appointments for your mammogram, colonoscopy, pap smears, etc. Stop smoking and get healty. October should be all about Awareness- on your LIFE and all that Pink should remind you that it can be a pretty one!!!

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Update- January 4, 2014
My good childhood friend died on Wednesday and I am heartbroken. I spoke with my mom about her sudden death and my Mom said, you know Missy was prepared, even though it was sudden. She lived her life "right", she was a Christian, she was a great caring friend and mother. Same as my friend Tim who passed away in May. Are you living your life "right"? Are you prepared to go at any moment? It's hard, but they did it. They didn't speak ill of people, they were loving and caring, they loved the Lord and lived a Christian life. It's important to make peace with your loved ones and truely let people know how you feel. Let your Soul Shine and let that soul reflect goodness. That is my 2014 Resolution, to live a positive, healthy life, in His Light! My light will shine for 2014, for Tim and for Missy! If their deaths were to bring anything positive at all, it was for me to stop and think, to reflect on the type of person I want to be. To reflect on how I want to live my life. So, if you haven't noticed the change in me because of Cancer, you will for sure see it because of the loss of these two lives. Maybe that is "why" God took these two souls, maybe that is why these two "good" people are not here with us any longer. I know we can't question God, but that is the positive that is filling my heart, that is the change in me, that is coming from these deaths. I will live my life differently because of their deaths, how many other people will also?